War on Birth Control!

From the people who brought you The War on Drugs, and the wildly popular sequel, The War on Terror, comes the next installment in the blockbuster series! Coming to a county near you, this fall, The War on Birth Control!

From ThinkProgress.com: Texas GOP Rep On Cuts To Family Planning: ‘Of Course This Is A War On Birth Control’

Ahh, Texas. Thank God I stopped taking life so seriously, otherwise these 10-gallon hat wearing bible-addicts would really be causing me to lose sleep at night.

Yes, in a world where over-population is becoming a bigger and bigger problem by the day, Texas Representative Wayne Christian is spearheading the fight against birth control. Riding on the coattails of governor and presidential candidate Rick Perry's "emergency law" demanding that doctors perform a sonogram on women at least 24 hours before an abortion can be performed, Christian is taking the fight even further. Restricting medical facilities over abortion procedures, cutting funding for Planned Parenthood by over two-thirds, and threatening poor women's health care programs in the state.

Of course, the refreshing piece here is the fact that Christian isn't mincing his words here. Abandoning the party line that these cuts would in some way save Texas money (never mind the fact that Texas already spends more money on teenage pregnancy than any other state of the union), Christian has stepped into the firing line and openly declared war on birth control. After all, according to him, "that's what family planning is."

Yep. Read that again.

“Well of course this is a war on birth control and abortions and everything, that’s what family planning is supposed to be about,” Christian said.

Well, here's a thought Wayne. You want all these extra kids running around? Then you fucking pay for them. You take them to school every morning. You help them with their homework. And damnit, you'd better be cutting the crust off of those peanut butter and jelly sandwiches you put in those brown paper bags every day.



"Conservatives want live babies so they can raise 'em to be dead soldiers!

Play it again, George.

" 'Cause I'm Proud to be an American..."

...Where at least I know I'm free...

Check out this footage from the protests organized by Anonymous outside of Wall Street.



Business as usual.

The question is, how long will this video be allowed to stay posted on YouTube? As I explained in a post a little while back, the government considers anything that is a threat to the economy to be terrorism, and my sharing of this video could be seen as providing material support to these "terrorists".

Let's see who steps down first.

The Ride looks like it's going to get a little bumpy ahead, kids.

Pleased to meet you, hope you guessed my name.

Hope the beginning of the week finds you in good spirits, dear friends.

In case you missed the Emmys last night, as I did, then here's what has to be the most interesting highlight of the evening.

From The Stir: Rupert Murdoch Runs the Emmys Just Like He Runs Fox News: Censorship!

As the story goes, Alec Baldwin had filmed a piece for the opening segment of last night's ceremonies in which he light heartedly poked fun at the recent scandal involving Rupert Murdoch's News Corp. illegally hacking into private phones. Since the Emmys were being aired on FOX, just another arm of the many tentacled beast Murdoch has raised through various dark rites and animal sacrifices, it was simple enough for Rupert to pull the plug on the whole bit. It just simply wouldn't do to have FOX broadcasting a piece that didn't absolutely look favorably upon their owner.

In response to the censorship, Alec Baldwin completely pulled his part from the program, despite his nomination for an award. He claimed to have a prior engagement celebrating the birthday of Tony Bennett, but it would appear that the censorship of the program had a lot to do with Baldwin's decision to pull out.

Either way, this would be a public relations shit storm for Murdoch and company if it weren't for one unfortunate fact. The man owns so much of the media, I'm surprised we even heard there was a censorship scandal in the first place. If it weren't for Alec Baldwin's high profile being involved, I doubt we would have heard a peep about all of this.

But take heart, dear psychonauts. This is just another small step towards what I see to be the inevitable unveiling of Murdoch as the tyrannical overlord of the devious race of reptilians hell-bent on the domination of man. As the scandals surrounding the man reach a fever-pitch in the coming months, he will have no choice but to unveil himself and bring the fight into the open, out of the clandestine back alleys of industrial politics and into the streets!

Keep up the good work, Alec Baldwin! That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind! Bring down the beast!!



And to Murdoch, in the highly unlikely event that you're reading this, a piece of advice:

No sympathy for the devil. Keep that in mind. But the ticket, take the ride. - Dr. Hunter S. Thompson

How d'ya do??

To the fearless Massapequa, NY man that expressed such wanton perversion in an area church yesterday: I Salute You!

From News12 Long Island: Police search for man who exposed himself inside Massapequa church

First, the facts. Around 1:00 PM yesterday afternoon, an African-American gentleman approached an elderly woman in the chapel of the Our Lady of Lords in Massapequa. Apparently the man sat down and proceeded to expose himself to the elderly woman, who screamed in terror at the offending sexual appendage. Summoned by the screams of horror, a worker at the church gave pursuit to the pervert, but thankfully he was able to escape.

Some of you are probably doing a double-take over my choice of the word "thankfully" in that last sentence. Surely I can't mean to express gratitude that such a morally bankrupt individual appears to be escaping justice, can I? The answer is, in fact, yes. Thank the lord this man escaped to the open skies of freedom. And here's why.

If you only clicked the link above to read the brief story, go the extra mile and watch the attached video. In the video comes what has to be the best 60 second parade of sheeple bemoaning the moral collapse of America that I have ever seen. With a space between their eyes fit to drive a Mack truck through, and shock painted on their faces more clearly than a boardwalk caricature, this video is a pure gold mine. Quotes like "I think the evil one is well and live, roaming the Earth", and "Thank God there weren't any kids in there!", these mini-interviews do a great job of showing how completely paralyzed and indignant these God-fearing citizens can become when a flaccid penis is introduced to their hallowed halls.

Ironic, considering that churches have been the number one site for sexual abuse for the last 30-odd years. And no, I have no data to back up that statement, I'm blatantly making this up. But it still feels right.

It is my honest belief that the church by and large needs to evolve out of its era of sexual oppression. These Dark Ages of Genitalia have gone on too long. Of course, it's no foreskin off my hide how they choose to conduct themselves, but maybe if they were a little more open about sex, there wouldn't be so much cause for scandal within their walls. After all, as any child knows, there is no better way to raise the drive for a man to do something than to tell him it is forbidden.



Note: Really only wanted to use this clip for the minute from 1:30 - 2:30. But feel free to enjoy the whole clip.

Enjoy the weekend, my psychonaut companions. Thrust your hand into the forbidden cookie jar of life and grab yourself some flavor.

We'd like to welcome you to Munchkin Land!!

Get Ready, freaks. You're gonna love this one.

From BuzzFeed.com: The Most Epic Tabloid Headline Of All Time

For those of you too lazy to click that link to investigate, the headline in question reads as follows:

GORDON RAMSAY SEX DWARF EATEN BY BADGER

OK, OK, quit your gut-laughing for a few seconds here, and let's get the facts. First off, the "sex dwarf" in question is not in fact a pint-sized companion of Gordon Ramsay's, as I originally thought upon reading the headline. Sadly, life isn't that good. What we do have, however, is almost as jaw-dropping and bizarre.

Percy Foster, a 3-foot 6 inches UK porn star, was known for his eerie resemblance to Ramsay and as the star of such adult fare as "Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho, It's Up Your Arse We Go." Foster was found dead at the bottom of a 6-foot deep badger set by members of the Ministry of Agriculture in western Wales.

While suicide has not officially been ruled out as a cause of death, Foster was apparently claiming top dollar in the porn industry for his resemblance to Ramsay. Porn star celebrity look-alikes are always in high demand in the pornography industry. Add the diminutive stature of Mr. Foster, and you have smut gold.

Call me a prude, but I have never felt much draw to the niche of dwarf pornography. I much prefer legitimate dwarf cinema, personally. Like The Terror of Tiny Town (1938), an old time western cast entirely by the vertically challenged.



You can't tell me that doesn't make you smile. At least a little bit. Even if it's just on the inside.

If the strangeness of this world doesn't have you bust out laughing on a regular basis, than you're just not paying attention. Enjoy The Ride.

Take a Lesson from The Bard

It is always the Jester with the most truth in his words.

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
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Dress the Kings and Lords in motley, for they truly are the fools of the land.

15 Days Without Incident!!

What sort of incident, you ask?

It's been a full 15 days, just a hair over two weeks, since a prominent anti-gay rights politician has been involved in a homosexual scandal! Way to go, conservatives!

How do I know that it has been a whole 15 days? Well, the good people over at disinfo.com led me this morning to what has to be one of the most valuable resources on the internet.

GayHomophobe.com

Yes, thanks to GayHomophobe.com, you too can now track the hypocrisy of the religious right. There surely is a special place in hell reserved for each and every one of these men, who make a living off the persecution and damnation of their own kind!

Of course, all seriousness aside, I can not for one second tell you that this is not one of the funniest lists I have ever seen. There is something undeniably hysterical about the irony of it all.



Enjoy the Ride, kids!