Monday, October 31, 2011

I Want Your Skulls!!

Hack the heads off little girls and
Put 'em on my wall!

Happy Halloween, Psychonauts!!

Go get fuckin' weird with it.

Hack the heads off little girls and
Put 'em on my wall!!

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Wanted: RatDog

Welcome to another special Sunday edition of The Ride, where we like to kick back and take it easy. Easy like Sunday Morning.

Bobby Weir throwin' down a little Bobby Dylan with the boys for your listening pleasure.

Bobby, in the highly unlikely chance you read this - Furthur is fun and all, but I miss RatDog. Please bring the boys back around.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Intellect is Not Inherited

One of the biggest things the protestors of Occupy Wall Street have going for them, in my opinion, is that while wealth is transferable from generation to generation, intellect is not.

And while there were certainly some whip-smart people who instituted many of the regulations that allowed for these financial groups to take advantage of the american people, there are some serious rogue geniuses out there.

Like this man. After watching this video, I'm not sure if I want to shake this man's hand, give him a hug, or just smash my head into a wall repeatedly for not thinking of this first.

Keep Wall Street Occupied. Fucking Brilliant.

The Ride salutes you, nameless internet figure! Hurrah!!

Friday, October 28, 2011

Choose Your Words Carefully

I am not a doctor.

I do not have a degree in medicine.

Fuck, I've never even played a doctor on TV.

Yet nonetheless, I feel the need to give my amateur opinion on this story coming out of Pittsburgh.

From The Digital Journal: Teen dies after smoking fake marijuana

First off, how great of a pro-marijuana marketing piece is that headline? Thousands of years of human use and not a single death for the real deal. K2 is on the market for a period of a few years, and it's already being blamed in the death of a teenager.

A 13 year old boy is dead in Pennsylvania after all attempts to save the boy from two collapsed lungs, and the subsequent infection, sadly failed. As the article says, young Brandon Rice was taken to the hospital after smoking the legal marijuana substitute and complaining of "numbness in his hands and feet, [being] unable to breathe, and...vomiting blood". Medical imaging revealed extensive chemical burns on the inside of the boys lungs.

Brandon's parents searched their son's room, finding a stash of "Spice", or "K2", an increasingly popular synthetic blend designed to mimic the effects of marijuana without any of those pesky side effects, like failing a drug test. Along with his potpourri head stash, the Rice's also found a plastic candy PEZ-dispenser, which their son had modified into a smoking device. Ahh, brings me back to my formative years, when I made a pipe out of a metal kazoo. Unfortunately, you had to remove the piece of paper that made the kazoo "zoo", so you couldn't play and smoke at the same time...but that is a tale for another day.

Brandon Rice died in his sleep this morning, after being hooked to a respirator since June. But as Brandon was idly wasting away in a sterile hospital bed, the political machine has been busy. Very busy indeed, my loves.

Brandon's case was co-opted and used as an example to speed up the process of banning and criminalizing the growing number of products that are being labeled as "fake drugs". Pennsylvania became the 21st state to outlaw the possession and distribution of a litany of these products, including K2, bath salts, and salvia. Under the new law, first time offenders found guilty of possession will face punishments up to $5,000 in fines, and up to a year in prison.

OK. So there's the story as the media gives it. And I have two major problems with it.

First off is the part of the article regarding the criminalization of these "fake drugs". See if you can find the trouble areas.

The tragedy that claimed Brandon's life came months before Gov. Tom Corbett signed a bill into law that outlawed the sale of 'fake drugs' like K2, Spice, Vanilla Sky, Salvia and bath salts that produce a marijuana-like high after being ingested. Pennsylvania became the 21st state to ban the sale of synthetic drugs, which are known to cause agitation, paranoia and hallucinations, according to the National Institutes of Health.

I have a serious fucking problem with marijuana being in the same sentence as bath salts. The same is true to a lesser degree for Salvia, and I've never heard of "Vanilla Sky", but from all the horror stories I've read about bath salts, whoever crafted this sentence needs to be shackled in the stocks. Comparing a drug that has been as beneficial and utterly harmless as marijuana to a synthetic speed that has resulted in the sexual abuse of livestock is dishonest, and down right criminal. And to anyone who has actually smoked Salvia, honestly comparing it to the effects of marijuana is simply laughable. Part of me thought we were past this Reefer Madness style propaganda.

My second gripe is the choice to use a quote from the boy's father regarding his cause for death, rather than reaching out to the medical professionals who were responsible for his recovery. The article does a wonderful job of glossing over the fact that this kid was smoking out of a fucking PEZ-dispenser. Never mind the fact that we know for sure that heated plastics release the kind of vaporous chemicals known to cause the kind of damage that Brandon Rice's lungs suffered. Never mind the fact that there are no other reported cases of Spice causing this level of physical damage. Or the fact that Brandon's death was caused by his body succumbing to an infection that took root after the surgical attempt to fix his collapsed lungs, which his body was unable to fight off in its weakened state. The obvious problem here is the boy was smoking fake-weed!

Now, I am not saying these substances should be available to children. But I believe a very big piece of this puzzle is that the boy was able to legally acquire his K2, while subsequently being denied the proper tools to ingest the drug due to it being illegal to sell a proper smoking device to a minor. It seems to me the real tragedy here is that this boy somehow reached the age of 13 without anyone informing him that if he put flame to plastic and took a deep breath, he was gonna have a bad time.

Again, I am not supporting the sale of these substances to minors. And I am not a medical professional, in any way qualified to make my statement that I think the PEZ-dispenser is more to blame here than the K2 the kid was smoking. But this propaganda piece subliminally aimed to take a cheap shot against marijuana is simply piss-poor journalism. Comparing marijuana to any of the newly banned drugs in Pennsylvania is fundamentally flawed on one single point. These new bans are entirely focused on synthetics. Chemically derived substances aimed at mimicking the effect of a natural drug (except in the case of bath salts - which simply needs to be burned and removed from the human record). Is the answer here really to saddle our already inefficient system with more laws designed to entrap citizens with hefty fines and jail sentences? Wouldn't it make a lot more sense to simply remove the sanctions against the much safer drug that these chemicals are trying to imitate? Seems to me that such a move would completely undo the demand for these allegedly dangerous products. And why do I not hear more of a clamor that the people at PEZ start placing warnings on their packaging that their product is not designed to be a smoking implement?

Didn't you ever wonder why getting high is a crime in the first place??

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Whales are People Too, Maaaan!!

PETA is at it again. And no, I'm not talking about People Eating Tasty Animals.

In a bid for advancing their tireless cause of ending animal abuse, PETA is attempting to sue Sea World for "enslaving" killer whales, asserting that the 13th Amendment does not explicitly mention that it only protects human beings.

While I agree with the ideas behind PETA, I usually find their actions to be a little over stated for the most part. And this case is no exception. I mean, honestly, suing on the grounds that killer whales have the same unalienable rights as human beings? If that's the case, then I hope you're also seeking jail time for all the killer whales that have killed or assaulted their trainers over the years.

So, as I encountered this story, I rolled my eyes and went about my day. Certainly a noble pursuit, speaking for those that can not speak for themselves, but I didn't see this one going anywhere.

That is, until I watched the Colbert Report's coverage of the story. And let me tell you, Steven Colbert brought up something that may have changed my mind on the effectiveness of this tactic. Here's the clip.

As the Supreme Court has ruled, corporations ARE people. So why not levy the same respect to animals? At least they have a pulse. And big watery eyes to stare at you with while they suffer their various degrees of injustice. If faceless corporations demand a level of respect in our legal system, why are we so willing to laugh off the prospect of providing the same to a living creature?

Sure gives you something to think about on a rainy day.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Happy Birthday, Patriotism!!

A toast! To the tenth anniversary of Patriotism!

After all, how could patriotism have been possible before the advent of The Patriot Act??

Excuse me. Sorry, the official name is "The USA PATRIOT Act". See, without adding the "USA" at the beginning, you don't get the full effect of the acronym. See, unbeknownst to me until this morning, the Patriot Act actually stands for: "Uniting and Strengthening America by Providing Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct Terrorism Act". I would really love to know how many hours whatever intern spent on forcing an acronym out of "USA PATRIOT". Fucking brilliant. Just imagine what that sort of energy and ingenuity could accomplish if properly focused!

Ten Long Years of government surveillance on American civilians, a grotesque sacrifice of civil liberty in the name of perceived security.

You know what? I'm going to step back from this one. I open the comments up here for your voice. Let me know what you feel about the Patriot Act. Is it a necessary evil? Or just another tool of the encroaching fascism that is taking over our once noble home of the free?

Speak your mind. Just don't speak it too freely, you never know who might be listening.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Baton Courtesies - Service with a Smile

Good Afternoon, kids.

Alright, I'm sorry. No matter how I try to talk about something else, everything keeps coming back to OWS. You just can't escape it.

From Riot police arrest "Occupy Oakland" protesters

In a surprise move from Oakland Mayor Jean Quan, who had been quoted in support of the protests as saying "sometimes democracy can be messy", a force of around 500 law enforcement officers moved in on the group of roughly 200 protestors this morning. Which sounds about right to me. Nothing says even odds like an over 2-to-1 ratio of police to protestor, especially when the police are armed with riot gear, rubber bullets, and tear gas. I even found a few scattered reports of the police using sound cannons on the protesters, but as of right now it would appear those are unconfirmed, confused reports of helicopters in the area.

I'm curious to know what caused Mayor Quan's 180 on the topic. To go from supporting the spirit of the protests to signing off on a police action that included 12 departments marshaled against a group that could file into a single Olive Garden without the fire marshall quirking an eyebrow, well that simply is not a decision that comes without some force of external pressure.

Not only was the protest broken up in their original park, but any attempt to organize away from the scene in the wake of the raid was also disbursed, resulting in further arrests.

It's just a shame that the Oakland cops didn't hear about this story out of Albany, in which the New York Staties, in conjunction with Albany Mayor Jerry Jennings, refused to comply with an order from the governor to clear out a similar protest in New York's capital.

You could strike sparks anywhere. There was a fantastic universal sense that whatever we were doing was right, that we were winning ....

And that, I think, was the handle—that sense of inevitable victory over the forces of Old and Evil. Not in any mean or military sense; we didn’t need that. Our energy would simply prevail. There was no point in fighting—on our side or theirs. We had all the momentum; we were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave

Hunter S. Thompson

Monday, October 24, 2011

Put on the Glasses!!

It's incredible how hard some people fight when you try to open their eyes.

Happy Monday to you, dear friends. While I am sure many of you are sick of me talking about it at this point, today we will be clicking the gears back to Occupy Wall Street. After spending some quality time with some of my extended family this weekend, I started to realize how skewed the public's view of these protests is. Not to say that their confusion is incomprehensible - the media is doing a hell of a job on this to keep everyone's head spinning. From conservative monoliths like FOX News explaining how the protesters are not only confused, but the "fact" that all the injustices they are protesting are actually their own fault, to liberal political forces attempting to co-opt the movement in a power-bid for aspirations of office, as per usual, everyone has an agenda when talking about this loaded issue.

But like all great tragedies, it is the fool who has the least to lose in telling you the unadulterated truth.

It seems to me that the biggest problem the protestors are facing, beyond the police brutality and corporate efforts to silence their voice, is the public's view that the protestors demand of an end to corporate greed is too ethereal. They have no hard, itemized demands that can be checked off in the name of marking progress.

So in the interest of compassionate comprehension, today in lieu of discussing current events we are going to play a little game. And that game is called They Rule. If you would kindly point your browser to the page, the game will begin.

They Rule is a website that I remember being discussed on an edition of ABC's World News Tonight back in the early 2000s. Once the page is loaded, you are met with a blank screen with a tool bar in the upper left corner. What They Rule does is allow you to view the board members of any of the top Fortune 500 corporations. Simply select a company and mouse over the table icon that appears, and you will be able to generate a list of every board member for that company. Now, where it gets really interesting is when you mouse over the name of the individuals representing that board you will be able to extrapolate the map to include a list of every other company these people also serve as board members for. By the time you're finished, you have a disgustingly widespread and tight knit web of greed.

Let's start with one example together, class. Considering it is largely the banking interests that has people so up-in-arms these past weeks, we will begin with the Bank of America Corporation. Once you have expanded the list of their board, you will find a list of 18 names. Of these 18 names, 9 of them, half of their board, also have interests on other corporate boards. The list of these companies includes CBS, Liberty Mutual Insurance Group, and even The Walt Disney Company. Now, make sure to drag the CBS table out of the way a little so we can expand that list without our graphic becoming too muddled. Expanding upon CBS's board will show that not only are two of their members protecting interests in Bank of America, but we also see Northrup Grumman - a defense tech corporation, VIACOM - another American media conglomerate, Urban Institute - a DC based think tank involved in data collection and processing on the social and economic trends facing Americans, AECOM - an engineering group which provides services in the areas of transportation, energy, and government, amongst others, and lastly, The Center for Strategic and International Studies - another bi-partisan think tank with its focus placed primarily on foreign policy, rather than domestic.

Phew! Talk about a head rush. Now of course, you can take any one of these companies connected to CBS and expand their list of board members, creating more degrees of connection between the clandestine members of the top 1%.

Let's try another quick example before I leave you to play with this tool on your own. This time, we'll start with the lovable, kid-friendly people over at The Walt Disney Corporation. Clear your maps, and start there. Once you expand their list of board members, and then the list of secondary boards these individuals belong to, you will find that Disney has a total of 13 board members, and actually more secondary boards than they have members! Of the 14 secondary boards listed, we find financial interests like Bank of America, Wells Fargo, and VISA. We also find corporate commercial interests from Nike, McDonald's, Apple, Starbucks, and Clorox. And of course, the shining gem of any list of Fortune 500 companies, the military defense contractors over at Boeing Co. And don't even get me started on how convoluted Boeing's map gets.

So, maybe now with this little graphical demonstration, you might start to see where the rage of the 99% is coming from. The elites running these corporations have woven a fine web whose sole purpose is to ensure that nothing can tamper with their steady market trend of profit gains. How can we trust anything CBS reports regarding the financial markets, when one of their board directors also seats a chair for Bank of America? How comfortable are you in the fact that The Walt Disney Companies childish facade is hiding a board director who signs off on Nike's usage of third world child labor? And when one man, W James McNerney Jr., holds a chair on the board for IBM, Boeing, and Proctor and Gambel, well, I can't help but think that that much power simply has to lead to corruption.

Of course, I expect none of my words to change any minds that are already made up on the topic. As I said in my introduction to this post, no man will fight you as hard as one who is being led from ignorance. The wonderful people over at The 53% are proof of that, if nothing else. All I can do, is ask that you open your eyes. And put on the glasses.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

"It's the Ultimate Fuck You"

I would like to thank my interwebz pal, RayB, for splicing this together and sharing it.

And of course, thanks to Joe Rogan for voicing his opinion.

And thanks to you, for checking it out.

Ahh, nothing says It's Just a Ride like Spongebob Squarepants with blood-shot eyes. I love it.

Almost as much as I love all of you. Carpe Diem.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Every Body Dance!!

This song has many messages.

And I love them all.

Keep it Silly, Stupid.
The Ride

Friday, October 21, 2011

Heyy...It's Like a Hippity-Hop!!

All jokes aside, this is one of the most hilariously horrible and awful things I have ever seen. This dude deserves his own parade.

From Las Vegas Review-Journal: Las Vegas man with 100-pound scrotum seeks money for surgery

As hard as it may be to believe, this man seems to have a bigger heart than his swollen scrotum.

Turn the right corner in Las Vegas, and you may cross paths with 47 year old Wesley Warren Jr., pillow and milkcrate in hand. Warren carries these items when he goes out, because he needs them during his frequent stops to use as a pedestal for his scrotum, which hangs nearly to the ground. And don't feel too bad for staring, because Warren says he has come to expect it.

Warren has recently gone public with his condition through an appearance on The Howard Stern Show in a bid to seek aid for the mountainous medical bills associated with surgery for his affliction. Warren has been told by doctors that the entire procedure will cost roughly one million dollars, and he's hoping for a little help.

Warren described his condition on the Stern Show to horrifying detail, a version of which can be found in the link provided, but I'll leave out the grisly details here. I would just like to say, a toast, to a man who is doing his best to turn around a bad situation.

I hope, for his sake, that women really do love huge balls.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Back in the Cage You Animal!


Three Cheers for the Industrial Prison Complex!!

Hooray! Hooray!! HOORAY!!!

From The LA Times: Borrowed cellphone slams prison cell shut

In 1988, Dwayne Kennedy was charged and sentenced to prison for throwing a man from a moving vehicle. Six years later, while incarcerated in 1994, he was charged with stabbing another inmate. And now, after long years in a stone and steel cage, Dwayne Kennedy was ready to taste the sweet air of freedom.

Dwayne had finally passed the parole board and was ready to go home. He was so excited, Kennedy borrowed a contraband cell phone from another inmate to call his family and tell them he was coming home. And then, as they say, the bottom dropped out.

Kennedy was caught using the contraband mobile device. And because of his wanton refusal to abide by the rules of prison society, the parole board decided to revoke his parole. Stating that Kennedy's actions in willfully disobeying prison regulations proved that he was still a measurable risk to society, the parole board revoked his freedom and slammed the door to his cell shut - for another five years.

OK. Now, admittedly, some twisted part of myself can understand where the prison interests are coming from on this one. The man has a history of violent criminal activity, and an obvious disdain for the rules of civilized society. But isn't five years a little over board? With the estimated costs of housing an inmate for that period ringing in at around a quarter of a million dollars, that's one expensive fucking phone call.

But here's a thought. Why the hell didn't the parole board, upon reaching their decision to allow Kennedy to be released, offer to allow the man to make a call to inform his loved ones? Why was this man forced to go outside the regulations of prison life to do something as simple as call his sister to say he was coming home? I mean hell, the last time this man was free, Ronald Reagan was in office. We're talking about an increase of his prison term of over 20% for making a phone call. If that doesn't shout "Land of the Free", I don't know what does.

Alright, time to put a cap on this one. In closing, a little number from System of a Down.

Because here at The Ride, we like to thrash like we're still in the 7th Grade.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Yak to the Future

Welcome, friends, to a very special Today In History edition of The Ride.

From John Z. DeLorean is arrested in $24 million cocaine deal

Who knew?

As the story goes, John Z. DeLorean, creator of the famous vehicle used as a time machine in the Back to the Future series, was arrested and charged with conspiracy to obtain and distribute 24 million dollars worth of cocaine on this day in 1982. Funny thing is, the charges weren't enough to dissuade Spielberg from using the car in his movies, which weren't released until three years after these charges surfaced.

DeLorean, who is also credited for designing the GTO and Firebird models for Chrysler in the 70s before he left the company to pursue his own interests, apparently was involved in a gauntlet of legal woes. While he was eventually acquitted of the charge to acquire 55 pounds of cocaine, soon after the charges were dropped he faced more legal action involving charges of fraud. DeLorean spent the next two decades paying off millions to creditors. I hope he got a fat paycheck for his car appearing in the film.

All I can say is Goddamn, the 80s were a wild fucking time.

Unfortunately the article doesn't provide much as far as details of the alleged coke deal beyond monetary values and weight of product. I'm guessing that has something to do with the fact that DeLorean was eventually aquitted on all drug charges. But how the hell do you raise those kind of charges against a person when you don't have enough evidence for the conviction? I mean, it's not like they just pull names out of hats to try and lay that kind of weight on.

Luckily, I have found a dramatic recreation of the events as they allegedly transpired.

Chi-chi! Get the fucking yayo!!

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

The 999 Plan is from What??

You know, I don't have too much respect for politicians. Same goes for CEOs with political aspirations. So when I tell you that in the past 24 hours I have lost more respect for Herman Cain than any other political persona, it's saying something.

To be honest, I didn't know much about Cain. In fact, I still don't know too much about him. But thanks to the magic of the interwebs, I have stumbled upon three shining little gems that completely undo any modicum of reverence I might have once had for the former CEO of Godfather's Pizza.

Exhibit A: Herman Cain is a corporate douche-bag.
Proof: Who the fuck could so perversely rewrite John Lennon's Imagine to have the song be about pizza?

Exhibit B: Herman Cain likes to appear cultured by quoting poets that are actually songwriters for the Pokemon film series.
Proof: Watch Cain quoting Donna Summers in this clip from a GOP debate. Notice how he even fails to mention the name of the "poet" he is quoting, as if somehow not realizing that his potential supporters all have the power of Google at their fingertips.

Exhibit C: Herman Cain's 9-9-9 plan, much like his choice in literary quotes, is stolen from a child's video game.
Proof: From SimCity Games Will Cost $9.99 In Honor Of Herman Cain's 999 Plan

That's right kids. Cain's vaunted 9-9-9 plan is taken straight from the realm of Sim City. Now, while Cain is adamantly denying that he has taken his tax plan from the microcosmic world of pixelated society, but that isn't stopping game producer Electronic Arts from offering a special discount on their popular title - now available for $9.99.

Again, Cain has publicly denounced any claims that he is taking political cues from a video game, but honestly - if you had been caught stealing ideas from a game, would you want to admit it? First, you disgrace one of the most touching songs about the freedom of the human spirit by making it a tool to sell pizza. Then you follow it up by bringing Pokemon - arguably one of the most nonsensical children's franchises in history - into the political arena under the guise of legitimate literature. And you follow it up by stealing the one piece of your campaign that has really been giving you momentum from a god damn video game, and don't even have the good grace to admit to your plagiarism.

Fuck You, Herman Cain.

Fuck You, and Goodnight.

Monday, October 17, 2011

The Band was Playin' "Nearer My God To Thee"

Fare Thee Well, Strange Travelers, Fare Thee Well

This past weekend I opened a post with a weeping emoticon, to express my level of frustration, anger and sadness at the topic at hand. In that vein, to show a proper level of escalation regarding my outraged reaction to today's story, please see the first 20 seconds of the clip below.

From 14 Shamans Murdered in Peru

OK, before I let the headline sensationalize you too much, as the article explains, these 14 Shamans were murdered over the course of the last 20 months. I'll admit, when I first saw the headline it conjured visions of a grotesque mass murder like something out of a Rob Zombie movie. Yet after reading the article, I find myself no less incensed.

The Peruvian government has sent an official team to investigate the murders of 14 local medicine men, only 7 of whom have been recovered thus far. Those recovered were shown to have been victims of bullet wounds, or hacked and stabbed to death by machete.

As reported in The Peruvian Times, these men were planning on forming an association to share their knowledge with the world when they began to go missing. Allegedly, these crimes were committed by a local Protestant known as "the witch hunter", at the behest of his brother - the mayor of the local town of Balsa Puerto. According to local government experts on Amazonian culture, both men belong to a fringe sect of Protestantism that see men such as these shaman as being possessed by demons, and thus their religious responsibility to eliminate them. Apparently in as violent a fashion as possible.

As tragic as this senseless loss of life is, it is the loss of knowledge that is really staggering. The death of these men mark not only an unrecoverable loss of an intimate knowledge of the complex ecosystem of the rainforest, but "the crucial role shamans play in traditional medicine and spiritual guidance in indigenous communities", as the program director of Amazon Watch's Peru division was quoted in The Guardian.

And the world marches on. Over 500 years after the Spanish Conquistadors first arrived on the shores of the New World, leading the flame-wreathed cavalry of the Good Lord deep into the Heart of Darkness, and still, with all of our perceived infinite progression and evolution of moral integrity we find this endless repetition of the sins of our fathers. What knowledge were these men preparing to share that so rattled the cage of a man who carries the title of "witch-hunter" into the 21st Century?

And can someone please explain to me why this article makes no mention of anyone being apprehended for these atrocious crimes? It certainly appears they have enough information on those allegedly responsible to warrant taking them into custody, even despite the political shield being a mayor might provide.

In closing, a song. A song to carry those beautiful strange travelers home.

River take me. Sing me sweet and sleepy.
Sing me sweet and sleepy
All the way back home.

It's a fargone lullaby
Some many years ago
Mama, mama many worlds I've come
Since I've first left home.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Sundays are for Jamming

And Jam is what we shall do!

Looking for The New World
A Palace in the Sun

Saturday, October 15, 2011

We Are the 53%

This makes me sad. So sad, it warrants a weeping emoticon. :'-(

*sniff sniff*

From The Right-Wing Version of ‘We Are the 99 Percent’: Heartbreaking

As the article explains, there has been an official response to the "99%ers" over at Occupy Wall Street from the members of the Republican underclass at the tumblr called We Are the 53%. Characterized by an almost Christ-like nobility in the silent suffering of the very same hardships that have pushed so many to the streets of cities across the nation, the message of the "53%ers" is simply - Suck It Up.

It all comes back to inheriting dead people's baggage. As I see it, through a mixture of religious influence and generations of poverty in middle America, a large percentage of our population has somehow become convinced that their suffering is righteous. Caught between the rhetoric of the meek inheriting the Earth, and insidious degradation of the American sensibility from "If we all work hard we can make this a better place for everyone" to "This is just the way it is - Drive On", the American public has in some way become convinced that this is their lot in life. The simple fact that the We Are the 53% website shows pictures of people proudly holding pieces of paper in front of the camera with Marine phrases like "Drive On" should speak volumes. Such militant rhetoric certainly has its place behind enemy lines when such an attitude can mean the difference between life and death, but putting on such totalitarian blinders has no place in the social aspect of a democratic society.

I'll tell you one thing though, brothers and sisters. All these numbers are driving me out of my mind.

I don't know what you believe, but I do know there's no doubt,
I'll need another double shot of something 90 proof, I got too much to think about

Friday, October 14, 2011

Bad Boys, Bad Boys

Whatcha Gonna Do?

From Stephen Anderson, Ex NYPD Cop: We Planted Evidence, Framed Innocent People To Reach Quotas

There are three possible reactions to this story.

Reaction A: You are overcome with a feeling of shock and revulsion at the grotesque abuse of power in the New York Police Department.

Reaction B: You impatiently roll your eyes and wait for the rest of the world to catch up with a revelation which you have known of for years.

Or of course the much more rare, yet still viable, Reaction C: Sweat begins to form on your brow as your asshole tightens and goes cold. Only applicable if you are a lobbyist for the industrial prison complex, a narc detective, or the American Drug Czar.

You know, I never thought this day would really come. But I think we may have finally gotten past the hero worship of the police in the greater metropolitan area of New York that came with 9/11. For a long, long time in these parts it was the mark of a heretic to speak bad on the NYPD. After all, what kind of heartless cretin could stand against the men and women who so selflessly gave themselves for the recovery effort of that terrible day?

But thanks to the media storm surrounding the NYPD from their treatment of the Wall St. protestors, the official recognition of the police force's involvement in planting narcotics on innocent civillians to bolster arrest numbers may just be the straw that breaks this camel's back. And if my gut is right on this one, the degradation of public opinion in regards to those who swear to Protect and Serve has only just begun. Once all the pussy from that "Hero Dick Syndrome" starts to dry up, we'll get to see how mean these bastards can really be.

Don't worry though, girls. The firemen out there are still of pure morals. If you feel the need to get yourself some of that hero dick, just make sure he's wearing red, not blue. Or, better yet, in the loving words of those adorable femme fatales at Suicide Girls: Protestors are the new Rock Stars. Fuck one today.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Robber Barons

Here's a fun string of articles!

First - From JPMorgan Q3 net falls; bank eyes expenses

OK, bank profits are down. Big deal, so what? Well, let's compare that article with this one.

From JP Morgan buys NYPD for $4.6 million

In a response to the protestors of Occupy Wall Street (I know, I just can't seem to drop the topic), the bankers at JP Morgan made an unprecedented 4.6 million dollar donation to the New York Police Department. OK, now go back to the Reuters article. What's the figure that they report as a loss for Q3? $1.02 per share from its position last year. Down to $4.3 billion, from its $4.4 billion position last year at this time.

So, with these "monumental" losses, JP Morgan now must cut 1,000 jobs from their banking firms. The Reuters article goes on to throw in a bunch of technical finance jargon that have my head spinning like the girl from the exorcist. I will require the services of an old priest, and a young priest, if I am to have any hope of excising the demonic odor of pea soup from my furnishings. I'm quite sure that someone with a more stable background will be able to take these articles and explain them in a way that makes complete sense, both in regards to morality and sound business ethics. And I am also quite sure that such a faceless business casual professional would be completely full of shit.

In the long run, all you have is a bank laying off a large number of their employees in one sector, in order to open up funds for paying their new security force. Just wait until old man Morgan decides it a prudent business decision to purchase Blackwater. We'll see who's laughing then.

Let me tell you friends. There is only one cure for this kind of angst.

Singing Lord preserve us, and protect us!
We've been drinking Whiskey for Breakfast!!

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

For The People

A great video posted to YouTube by Corey Ogilvie.

"Hypocrisy has it's own elegant symmetry"


Monday, October 10, 2011


Occupy Wall Street.

Because yesterday, too many Americans had Wish Sandwiches.

Have you ever heard of a Wish Sandwich??
A Wish Sandwich is the kind of a Sandwich where you have two slices of bread, and you Wish you had some meat!!


Sunday, October 9, 2011

ThoughtCrimes, Continued

Morning, kids. Hope you're all keeping it easy like Sunday Morning so far. I know I was.

You know, when I posted an entry on Monday of last week labeled "All ThoughtCrimes Will Be Persecuted", I was kind of joking with the title. The revisionist tactics I discussed from The New York Times and their staff member Al Baker were certainly Orwellian to say the least, but that didn't mean that I truly believed that there were crimes being made out of thought. At least until I read the article I'm going to share with you today.

From U.S. Drug Policy Would Be Imposed Globally By New House Bill

Don't really know where to begin with this one...

The basic idea of the story is this - the House Judiciary Committee passed a bill on Thursday that makes it a federal crime for US citizens to discuss or plan activities that violate the Controlled Substance Act, even if the country these plans are to be carried out in have no laws against the activity.

So, let's give an example.

The article provides an example describing a young couple planning their wedding. Let's say the couple plans on having their ceremony in the historic and picturesque city of Amsterdam. OK, no laws broken yet. Now, let's say this same couple discusses procuring a bag of marijuana for the bridal party. Well, while marijuana may be legal in Amsterdam, since it is not legal in the United States, despite having no intention of smuggling the illicit substance onto American soil, these young love-birds would be guilty of a federal crime simply in planning their wedding. They don't even have to actually pick up the bag to be prosecuted.

But the bill doesn't stop there, sir! The bill goes the extra mile in allowing conspiracy charges to be brought against anyone who discusses or advises in any activity that would result in a violation of the CSA. So, to continue with the example of the Amsterdam wedding, should charges be brought against the wedding planners for having the thought of getting a little weed over seas - then conspiracy charges could be laid on anyone involved in the planning of the wedding, even if they had no idea that there were plans for a little doobie during the celebrations. So, let's say that it was your wedding being planned in Amsterdam, and your loving mother decided to help by booking the hotel. Well, while your mother had no inkling of your intentions to light up in a country where it is perfectly acceptable by law to do so, she too could be charged with breaking federal law for her involvement.

EDIT: A helpful comment informed me that I was full of shit with the stricken out part there. Whoops. My bad. Thank you, Jack McCoy.

And American Imperialism marches on.

See, this is what happens when you allow the reins of government to be seized by a group of morally uptight religious zealots. You have all these bible-thumpers who have been told since birth that in the eyes of the Lord, even thinking about committing a sin is a sin in of itself. Yes, those pesky "Thou Shalt Not Covet" commandments make it a slight against God to even consider wanting things that don't belong to you, never mind the fact that there is already an established commandment against outright theft, or adultery. The mere desire for your neighbor's wife or possessions is a direct violation of God's ten most sacrosanct instructions. Well, it is no wonder that people that have been weened on this rhetoric since birth feel a moral obligation to try and enforce this line of thinking with legislation. That's the real frightening thing here. This new law doesn't make it illegal to perform acts overseas that are allowed in whatever country you happen to be in that might be against the law here at home. No, this law makes it illegal to plan such actions.

All in all, sounds very Minority Report to me. Arresting people for crimes that haven't happened yet.

Thank God we live in a country who's judicial branch lives off the mantra "innocent until proven guilty." It's just a damn shame you can now be called to account for the idle fancies of a wandering mind, rather than the physical repercussions of a crime that has actually been committed.

Some people said I think to much, so I had a think about it, and I think they should shut the fuck up

Seize The Ride.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

SKYNET is going live!

Jesus Christ. Maybe those fancy bomb shelters I made fun of a few weeks back aren't such a bad idea...

From Exclusive: Computer Virus Hits U.S. Drone Fleet

OK, so early reports are calling the computer virus infecting the fleet of drone attackers "benign", this might just be the most frightening thing I've ever read. The only thing scarier than a government in control of a bunch of deadly remote controlled devices, is a government who has lost control of a bunch of deadly remote controlled devices.

Run. Like. Hell.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Get Wild like a Wilbury

I am of the opinion that it is an American duty to culturally educate yourself on the etymology of the term "Wilbury."

I expect your essays on the topic on my desk first thing Monday morning, class. Now get out there and get some of that weekend sunshine.

Enjoy The Ride

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Singing Along with that Star-Spangled Bomber

G'day to you, freaks and freakettes. Let's cut right to the action.

From Prisoners Help Build Patriot Missiles

I'll give that a minute to sink in.

This story from Wired is a little old, dated March 8 of this year. The only reason I found it is because shared the link with flavor text saying "file this in the 'in case you missed it' news cycle". And they were right. I for one sure as hell missed this.

Made even more relevant with the revelation of the profiteering involved in federal capital punishment unearthed with the death of Troy Davis, the article describes a corporation named Unicor involved in the system of federal prison labor. Previously called Federal Prison Industries, Unicor employs 20,000 federal inmates in over 70 prisons producing a veritable cornucopia of products ranging from clothing to office furniture, solar panels, and even military devices. *Cue Sesame Street's "One Of These Things Is Not Like The Others"*

That's right. The incredibly specialized process of assembling these earth-shaking guided missiles is being performed by federal inmates for mere pennies. Ironic, especially considering these inmates would never be able to get a job doing the same thing on the outside world once they were released, due to having a criminal record. But what makes this even more insulting is the number of unemployed law abiding citizens who could use this kind of job offer. Apparently if you can train a prison inmate to do that job, then I'm guessing you don't need a college degree to be trained at the art.

Of course, Unicor's involvement in military production is not limited to guided missile components. They also created a tidy profit from selling helmets to the military, but they lost that contract when over 40,000 units were recalled due to shoddy quality. Sure makes you feel safe.

Some folks are born silver-spoon in hand
Lord, how they help themselves

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

See No Evil

The Three Monkeys are alive and well. Spreading their mantra through churches in Italy.

Hear No Evil
Speak No Evil
See No Evil

From Italian Worshiper Tears Both Eyes Out at Mass

Talk about feeling the Holy Spirit. Jesus Christ.

Aldo Bianchini, 46, told the surgeons who were unable to save his eyesight that he tore out his eyes with his own bare hands during the sermon at a church near Pisa, Italy because "the voices in his head told him to do it." Parishioners reported watching in horror as the man began clawing at his face in an effort to gouge out his eyes, a feat that Bianchini's surgeon says requires super human strength. Not to mention a steel will and determination.

Father Lorenzo Tanganelli, who was delivering the sermon that day, said he called for assistance as soon as he discovered the cause for the commotion coming from the back of the parish, but paramedics were unable to arrive in time to prevent the Biblically grotesque self-mutilation. Bianchini was taken away to the nearest hospital, and a shaken Father and his flock continued in celebrating mass. Of course, while many of the faithful departed from church early that day, with the dedication of a vaudeville barker Tanganelli decided "The Show Must Go On." Likely he had not reached the point in the program where the collection plate gets passed around.

My question is, in a church full of so-called Good Samaritans, how was it that a man can cause such a ruckus without someone tackling him before he caused irreparable harm to himself? Surely you would think that at least one concerned member of the fold would have jumped to offer aid. Or an even better question - how the hell does NBC get off on calling this reporting without telling us what the topic of the Father's sermon was? They make a weak and contrived connection to the Gospel with a reference to Matthew's description of Jesus' famous quote saying "If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell", but fail to say if that was the actual topic of the day. I for one am certainly curious to know which of these hallowed pages caused a man to be so consumed by the light and glory of the Lord.

In any case, it sounds to me like a loud revival of the old days of the fire and brimstone church. This is some serious Event Horizon shit right here. Old Testament style Wrath of the Righteous, Damnation of the Sinners, and so on.

Pure Evil by movieclips

All I know is somebody better call up Larry Fishburne before The Ride gets any more out of control.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

To the Moon, Comrade!

Greetings, psychonauts!

Bet you thought I forgot about you today, didn't ya? Well, no such luck! Here we go.

Today on The Ride, a look back in history. On this day, October the 4th, in the year 1957, the Soviet Union cut the ribbon on the Space Age with the launch of Sputnik. Sputnik, named for the Russian word for "satellite", was launched into the night sky over the Kazakh Republic, where it began its 4 month journey whipping around the Earth, completing an orbit roughly once ever hour and a half.

Of course, what most people (in the United States at least, I can't speak for the rest of the world) remember about Sputnik is not the awe-inspiring achievement of the first artificially constructed satellite being launched into the heavens, but rather the fevered and wild fear that accompanied the fact that it was the Russians, the mortal enemy of our great nation, had made this accomplishment. And they simply couldn't be trusted.

Officially, Sputnik was launched to gather data and broadcast it back to Earth over a simple radio transmission. Any amateur radio operator with the right gear could tune in as Sputnik flew over their corner of the world and listen to the steady beeps of the transmission. Of course, in the social climate of the Cold War, being able to listen as a Soviet satellite flew invisible over your head every 90 minutes results in a prime breeding ground for panic and paranoia. And thus, the Space Race was born!

After all, it simply wouldn't do to all those pinko scum to control the very heavens. Mastery of the celestial sphere could only belong to good, God-fearing American capitalist interests. And so, in January of 1958, the United States had launched its first satellite in response to the Soviets. Of course, by this time Sputnik's orbit had already deteriorated, causing it to fall from the sky. But by the time the US had launched their satellite, the USSR was already on to bigger and better things with Sputnik 2, which they used to launch the first dog into space. In fact, the Soviets remained steadfast in keeping their spot at the front of the space race, until of course the US made a fantastic leap by placing the first man on the moon with the Apollo missions. But we won't get into the complexity of that argument now.

And here we stand, 54 years later. The Soviet Union has been dissolved. The United States stands supreme in their position as a super power, at least for now. Yet what I find interesting, in this post-Cold War world, is that the loss of freedom that so concerned the ruling political body of that era appears to have come about at its own hands. I know I keep bringing this up, but the daily footage from the Occupy Wall Street protests do a lot to show you the kind of police state we live in in America these days. And what kind of videos do we see from Russia? Well, how about this one.

That's right. A fucking motorcycle with a full drum kit and guitar amplification. When I first saw this video, the first thing that went through my head was "This has to be the most American thing I have ever seen." Until I read the description and discovered it was filmed on a Russian highway. How's that for freedom? Those guys aren't even wearing helmets! Meanwhile, in New York City, the police are herding people like cattle into precincts to keep them from disrupting the continued abuse of the American public at the hands of the capitalist bankers we spent years fighting the communists to protect.

It's a Brave New World kids. Strap in.

The Ride is always getting Weirder.

Monday, October 3, 2011

All ThoughtCrimes Will Be Persecuted

How we doin', kids?

Today on The Ride - we plunge back into the world of ethical journalism. Check this out.

From Orwellian NY Times: The Times Alters the Occupy Wall Street Storyline

As they say, a picture tells a thousand words. A quick look at the side by side comparison of an original piece posted to the New York Times website last night at 6:59 PM - laid next to the "updated and revised" version which was posted 20 minutes later at 7:19 PM - speaks volumes.

The original text of the story explains how the NYPD herded protesters from the OccupyWallStreet protest out onto the Brooklyn Bridge, where they could then begin to unjustifiably arrest the protesters en masse. 20 minutes later the words are completely changed. What once told the story of the unscrupulous methods employed by the police department to control the protesters now reads as a sensationalized account of a "tense showdown" between police and protesters. What once started as the police "allowing [protesters] onto the bridge" before arresting them, becomes protesters "marching onto the Brooklyn Bridge's roadway". And with a simple change of two quick sentences, the Gestapo-esque practices of the New York Police Department becomes the valiant efforts of a few good men trying to keep the streets safe for you and your family.

And where did these edits come from? Well, if you look at the story, the original text was authored by a man named Colin Moynihan. The story as it was updated 20 minutes later claims authorship by both Moyniha, and a man named Al Baker. Who is Al Baker, you ask?
From the NYT website: Al Baker, police bureau chief for The New York Times — and the son of a police lieutenant — brings you inside the nation’s largest police force every Thursday.
Well then. Talk about conflicting interests interfering with the objectivity of the news. Astounding that the NYTimes resident police reporter and chief is allowed to make such extreme editorial decisions without any oversight. Unless of course, the NYTimes is no more trustworthy than FOX News, shaping the headlines until they are formed into a worthy tool for the indoctrination of its readership.

So hooray for journalist integrity! Hooray for honesty in the media!! Hooray for America!

But above all - hooray for those beautiful protesters. Keep fighting the good fight. The Whole World is Watching.

Here is some footage from the Brooklyn Bridge incident from this weekend, accompanied by an interview from a protester who was actually there on the bridge. Watch the clip - you decide who to trust. Your neighbors - or the police.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Look Sharp!

Take what you've got left of your weekend and jam.

Have a good one, kids.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Yo man, let me get a nickel bag.

On March 1st 2011, I shared a story here on the blog talking about discussions being brought to the table with the goal of changing the laws in the Netherlands that allowed foreign tourists to legally purchase cannabis at their famed coffee shops.

Today, the hammer comes down with force.

From Dutch city's coffee shops close doors to most cannabis tourists

So here we have it. Seven months to the day after I first brought your attention to this story, we have the final word in.

First, take a quick breather. The decision, as it stands, only effects the city of Maastricht, and the ban only effects foreign tourists. The coffee-shops have agreed upon a "neighbor" policy, in which the only tourists that will be allowed to purchase cannabis legally are those holding passports from the neighboring nations of Belgium and Germany.

Shockingly, this decision has apparently come not from the lawmakers, but the Society of United Coffeshops. The police and judges will have no jurisdiction to enforce these regulations - that labor is laid solely on the backs of the proprietors of the coffee shops. The choice to bar these shops from foreign tourists came after the city council decided that "something had to be done" about the 2.2 million tourists per year that were clogging the city's narrow streets. Apparently, in this atrocious global economy, such flagrant and wanton spending from foreign bank accounts is simply unacceptable.

The concern here is that the barred doors will result in a rise of the illegal street trade. Say what you will about the laws regarding prohibition in the Netherlands, but one can not deny that they have successfully removed the criminal aspect of the trade from their society. As I said in my original post on 03/01/11 regarding the possibility of these changes, only time will tell how these changes in regulations will effect the black market in these cities.

Anything to keep these kind of animals off the streets, right kids?

"Prohibition is so gay...Fucking 80s style"