Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Here's a good piece of shit!

“Were it not for the presence of the unwashed and the half-educated, the formless, queer and incomplete, the unreasonable and absurd, the infinite shapes of the delightful human tadpole, the horizon would not wear so wide a grin.”

--Frank Moore Colby

Man killed by a single punch for a $5 bet.

Well, I don't really need to say much more than that, now do I?

Hope you all had a great Memorial Day weekend. I know I did.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Nobody is perfect.

And it's great to remember that sometimes.

Check out Joan Baez here remembering the words to Dylan's own song better than he does.

Another thing this song is great for? Reminding you that mistakes are just as capable at provoking a smile as success can be.

Enjoy the weekend.

Friday, May 27, 2011

World of Prison-Craft

I fucking love it when the first news story I see in the morning gives me that evil anticipatory smile that makes my fingers itch for blogging. After all these long weeks, I'm actually starting to really enjoy this shit now.

But check out this article from the Telegraph, talking about Chinese Prisoners being forced to play World of Warcraft in labor camps.

God Bless the Chinese. Now, according to this article a prisoner is claiming that the guards at his facility would force inmates to play upwards of 12-hours a day at World of Warcraft, generating online currency which the guards would then trade on a black market platform for real cash. Now, despite Blizzard, the company behind World of Warcraft, making it illegal to exchange game-based currency for real-world currency, this certainly isn't the first instance of a group forcing laborers to log an insane number of hours at a terminal in order to generate these revenues. As the prisoner interviewed in the article mentions, it is actually more lucrative to use the prisoners as a cash-cow in these MMORPG platforms than it is to use them for actual physical labor.

Now, the head of the prison has denied all allegations that prisoners are being used in this fashion, citing that it would violate regulations that all prisoners be denied access with the outside world. Gotta admit though, it's pretty funny to think that the next time your 13 year old nephew logs into his Orc and starts masquerading across the great plains of Azeroth, he'll be chatting it up with a 50-something inmate who is being forced to play literally until his eyes bleed. As the old song says, one man gathers what another man spills.

And on that cheery note, enjoy your long weekend everyone. Memorial Day. Get some.

"Yeah, its bullcrap! I bet half of these people are Koreans!"

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Best Soundtrack Ever

Just watched Zack and Miri Make a Porno again last night. For those of you out there who haven't seen it, do yourself a favor and check it out. Beyond being side-splittingly funny, Kevin Smith's prowess at tossing la chanson juste in at that perfect moment is something to behold.

Take this scene for example. The slow build up of the Pixies in the background just gives me a warm fuzzy feeling. That, and I have absolutely nothing else to post about today, so I figured it'd be OK to do another music based cop-out if I veiled it in the guise of attempting to say something profound.

Enjoy the day freaks.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Tear it down!! Brick by fucking brick!!!

First news story of the week to put a real, true, genuine smile on my face.

This article here is dated February 2nd, when the settlement had originally been reached. Today the settlement officially gained preliminary approval.

The San Francisco Gate reporting that Bank of America has settled for over $400 million in a case regarding fraudulent over-draft fees.

Bout fucking time. Now if only we could manage to actually throw some of these damned criminals in jail instead of letting them settle like this. Vaguely reminiscent of that story I brought up a while back of the CIA-contractor who killed two Pakistani men in the streets and was able to walk away a free man after paying the court appointed "blood debt".

Ah, but in that time honored corporate catch phrase so often used to ameliorate any sense of responsibility, "It is what it is." Take heart in this tiny step, and let's hope that we can keep the momentum going and bring these monolithic soul-crushing machines a few more rungs down the ladder.

"C'mon Pookie, let's burn this mother down!!!"

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Oh Harold, you whip!

So, apparently my discourse yesterday about how lucky we all are to have survived the rapture may have been a touch, shall we say, premature.

Now, according to The New York Times, Harold Camping, the man who has been the public face of the organization touting the end of the world and the second coming of Christ has made an official statement revising the date of judgment.

Camping Officially revises date of rapture to October 21st of this year.

Alright, so we've got another 5 months here party people. Get your kicks in (for real this time).

What I find truly interesting is the articles' mention of how Camping and his organization will no longer be paying to continue advertising via billboards across the country. Also, with the offhanded surety that can only be granted with that special breed of senility, Camping has announced that he will no longer be providing interviews on the subject, proclaiming "The world has been warned. We don't need to talk about this anymore." Coincidentally, Camping is also refusing to return any of the donations he received for his campaign from his flock of believers.

So don't empty that bomb shelter of your MREs and fresh water quite yet. Looks like we still might have our chance to get our kicks out on Route 666.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Buckle Up, Bitches

I'm Back!!

Alright, as per usual when I inexcusably miss several days of posting, allow me to open with a quick apology. The irony of my last post proclaiming I would be spending more time on this being immediately followed by a long absence is not lost on me, and I am sorry.

I always have such a difficult time putting anything together after a lengthy absence. So many things have happened in the world worthy of comment, its hard to just pick one. And also, while I'm not using this to excuse my recent A.W.O.L. status, I was mostly without my laptop these past days, be it due to necessary technical repairs or the fact that I had social engagements that were just too damned important to stay jacked in. And while the respite from the information super-high way was certainly appreciated, it definitely helps you to appreciate just how disconnected you feel without access to streaming international news updates at your fingertips.

But enough of all that morose crap. It's a celebration bitches! The rapture has come, the rapture has passed, and maybe I just don't know anyone personally that got taken up in the celestial chariot of fire, but it seems to me that life is going on, business as usual. We made it!

Though I will admit, in a bout of unreasonable fear and anxiety, you bet your ass I got myself out of the gridlock bottleneck that is the greater metropolitan area of New York City. I'm telling you, friends, after a spending a little time back in my old stomping grounds of New Hampshire, I'm finding it harder and harder to comprehend why anyone would live in New York of their own free will. I mean, if I've learned nothing else from apocalyptic movies out of Hollywood, it's that the last place on the planet you want to be in the event of a cataclysmic disaster is anywhere within a 50 mile radius of the island of Manhattan.

But let's forget the fantastical side of the argument and just think about reality. God damn do I miss being somewhere that is small enough that people actually are held responsible for displaying a little common courtesy. You can actually physically feel your pulse slow as you cross the border into the land of the Free or the Dead. It baffles me that people are willing to shell out s much as they do to support the essentials to live somewhere like Long Island. I can maybe, maybe understand the attraction to the actual city, especially if you have a high paying job that demands the location, but these people that hump through the bump and grind on the daily just so they can force out that hipster smirk and say "Oh, I live in New York City" just confuse me. In the words of Peter from Mike Judge's Office Space, "Human beings aren't meant to live like this, damnit!"

And with that, roll the credits. The black screen with the flowery script declaring ~fin~ in that haughty french independent fashion. Let's put this disjointed beast to bed. I'll be back tomorrow, and I mean it, "for realz" this time.

Much love

"As your attorney, I recommend you get the hell out of here."

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Full Time Revolutionary

Good Morning Freaks!

Today, I have a personal update to rock your worlds with. I am officially a member of the unwashed denizens of unemployed crowding our great nation. Now, what does that mean for you animals? Well, with the exception of yesterday, which I took as a personal mental health day, and today, which I am using just as a quick update to let you know what's good, I will be spending more time spilling the contents of my mania on these electronic pages.

That's right boys and girls. From full-time cubicle maze rat to full time revolutionary, I'll be here to help you all put the important pieces together as we sift through the trash that is daily shoved down our gullets from the media.

So please, strap in your seat belts, place your tray table in their upright position, its time for lift-off mother fuckers.

Let's do this.

Hey hey, monkey-man, whatcha gonna do now?

Monday, May 9, 2011

A picture says a thousand words...

And each one this picture says are just hilarious.

Hasidic Newspaper Removes Hillary Clinton from Situation Room photo

Yep. Don't really need to say much more than that.

Have a good one people.

Silly Hasidics!

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Well, I turned 21 in prison

Doing life without parole!!

Happy Mother's Day to all those mama's that actually gave a damn.

Love you Mom

Saturday, May 7, 2011

American Ninja in Pakistan

Sounds like a bad movie, huh? American Werewolf in Paris, American Ninja in Pakistan, got a nice ring to it.

Anyway, check out this report from FOX News. Remember a while back when we heard about that whacked out crazy guy who was found in Pakistan carrying nothing but a map, night vision goggles, and a samurai sword? Well, he's back in the news, saying that he deserves at least a portion of the $27 million reward offered by the feds for Osama Bin Laden.

I say give it to him. Anyone ballsy enough to go running around Pakistan armed with a samurai sword is not the kind of man you want coming home feeling jilted and cast aside. At least this way we can hope to keep him from slinking around the back alleys of D.C., peering through night vision goggles at federal buildings.

Crazy world we live in, people.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Gotta admit, this is one headline I never expected to read. Especially not in the Wall Street Journal.

Wearing Only a Smile, Nudists Seek Out the Young and the Nude

So, apparently, the nudist culture is in danger of going Over the Hill permanently. With a recent stagnation of young recruits, the aging baby-boomers are beginning to worry that their free-spirited culture will die out without an infusion of new blood.

Now why, you might ask, would the Wall Street Journal be reporting on the nation-wide attempt to draw in younger crowds to nudist resorts? Because shockingly, the nudist industry pulls in around $440 million a year. Who would have guessed it?

I got into the wrong line of work, god damnit.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

Alright, here's the deal.

I know it's Cinco de Mayo today. And I realized this morning that I know next to nothing about what Cinco de Mayo is all about, so I decided to toss it into the most reliable reference source around, Wikipedia! So, I'm going to extrapolate some conclusions based solely off what I'm reading on Wikipedia. If you have a bone to pick with anything I say being factually based, well, get your ass on Wikipedia and fix the problem, don't bitch to me.

So, interesting Cinco de Mayo Wikipedia "fact" number 1: Cinco de Mayo does not in fact mark the celebration of Mexico's independence. Turns out September 16th holds that honor. Who knew?

Wacky fact number 2: Most Mexicans DO NOT celebrate Cinco de Mayo! Turns out, according to Wikipedia, Cinco de Mayo is just yet another notch in the scarred belt of Hallmark Holidays. Apparently, Cinco de Mayo is only really celebrated by alcoholic sorority girls, confused second-generation Mexican-Americans, and basically anyone who clings to any excuse to wear their "I ate the worm!" t-shirts from Cancun. There is an area of Mexico that does in fact celebrate Cinco de Mayo, but it's not as widespread as you may have thought. Which leads us to..

Wacky fact number 3!: Apparently, the Mexican state of Puebla treats Cinco de Mayo as a regional holiday, celebrating the "unlikely victory over French forces at the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862." And here, I believe, we have stumbled upon the reason all of Mexico doesn't celebrate Cinco de Mayo. I mean honestly, who the fuck wants to admit that they almost got their asses handed to them by the French? I'd want to keep that shit under wraps, too.

So basically (and again, all of this is according to Wikipedia, I'm just loving this too much to want to fact check it and have any of it proved wrong), Cinco de Mayo is just a huge farce to help the American public pretend it actually gives a fuck about foreign culture. I mean seriously, we celebrate a foreign holiday that isn't even celebrated in its native country! Celebrated since its inception throughout California, Cinco de Mayo has steadily grown in popularity with the increase in Latino culture not as a direct influence of that culture, but rather in an effort to make us seem like we understand and appreciate that culture. Until the 1980s that is, when it was just completely high-jacked by the alcohol companies who have capitalized on its celebratory nature to boost revenue.

God Bless America!
Happy Cinco de Mayo!
Fuck Yea!

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

"I'll tell ya, life ain't easy for a boy named Cash"

Montana child cured of brain cancer after father fed boy medical marijuana

Now how's that for a touching story? Young Cash Hyde of Missoula, Montana, apparently has made a full recovery after his parent's received the crushing news that their child was suffering from a brain tumor shortly before he reached the ripe old age of two.

Now, let us be careful to mention that Cash's father's administration of cannabis oil through his child's feeding tube was not the only treatment the boy received. Cash Hyde did go through a grueling stint of chemo to battle his cancer. According to The Daily Mail, the boy was being fed through a feeding tube, as the chemo had destroyed his young appetite, and hadn't consumed any actual food in nearly 40 days.

Cash's father, Mike Hyde, made the decision to give his son cannabis oil in an effort to ease the pain of his condition. As a result, Cash was able to muster up enough of an appetite to actually begin eating real food again, allowing his body to gather the strength it needed to survive the two-pronged assault of the chemo-therapy and the brain cancer.

The funny thing here is that despite medical marijuana being legal in the state of Montana, Cash's doctors refused to even discuss the possibility with the family. Mike Hyde was forced to go out side of the hospital to receive authorization to obtain the cannabis oil, and then had to secretly administer the drug through his son's feeding tube. The doctor's had already told Mike and his wife that they should be wary in holding out hope for their son's recovery as his condition was so grave, and yet still they refused to even discuss the possibility of administering the cannabis in an effort to make Cash more comfortable in what was assumed to be his final days.

Cash's father also asked the doctors to stop giving his son the anti-nausea drugs that they commonly use in conjunction with chemo-therapy, though he did not say why. According to Mr. Hyde, "his son started looking better right away."

Now, Cash Hyde has made a full recovery and there is no trace of the cancer left in the small child. Was it the cannabis that allowed the boy to push back from the brink of death? Don't ask me, I'm no doctor. Pretty damned interesting story, though.

One thing I am qualified to comment on though...who the hell names their child "Cash"? Got some weird folks out there in Missoula...

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Happy Birthday Machiavelli!

And no, I'm not talking about the nom de plume for Tupac's post-mortem albums.

Niccolo Machiavelli, famed author of The Prince, was born on this day in 1469.

The Prince, which is touted today as one of the foundations of western political thought, was not so well received when it was first released. Machiavelli's support of amoral tyranny in political leadership was one of the first published accounts where the maxim of "the ends justify the means" was expressed openly to the public. Ironically, the book which is so highly revered and practiced in today's ruthless political theater resulted in Machiavelli's complete alienation from the people of his native Florence.

Originally penned in an attempt to regain favor in the face of his temporary exile, The Prince was unable to garner Machiavelli respect with either the public, or the Medici family with whom he was trying to curry favor. And yet still, despite the knowledge that The Prince was just a brown nosed attempt at trying to re-enter the good graces of the Italian ruling class, classrooms across the nation still teach this ruthless and bloodthirsty text as an archetypal example of refined political idealism.

So Happy Birthday Machiavelli.

A toast. Here's hoping Lucifer turns up the heat on your birthday bash today. You've earned it.


Monday, May 2, 2011

Gut Reactions


So I'm sure you've all heard the news Obama reported last night about the final demise of Public Enemy #1, Osama Bin Laden.

Let me throw out a quick preface here. I am in no way a "qualified reporter". There is absolutely no reason for you to take a single thing I say seriously, or to get fired up about it and start casting aspersions because I disagree with your opinion of last nights news. I am simply laying out my initial gut reaction to this report.

And that reaction is that I think this whole damn thing is a farce.

I'm not saying I don't think Osama is dead. I think that for anyone to swallow the official story, hook line and sinker, is simply accepting things that are being told to them with no level of skepticism. There are just too many little things about the report that I find to be rather unsettling.

For example, Osama bin Laden was brought down on the 8th Anniversary of President Bush declaring "Mission Accomplished" in the war on terror, to the day. Suspicious, but still within an acceptable stretch of coincidence.

OK, but how about the fact that Osama's body was buried at sea, in "accordance with Muslim traditions, which include strict rules on burial taking place within 24 hours after death." I'm sorry, but really? The bogey man we've been chasing for nearly 10 years, who has been leading a jihad against the west for closer to 20, and we actually take the time to observe his religious practices and dispose of the corpse in an unmarked watery grave, making it impossible for third party objective confirmation.

My theory? And once again, I'm not a professional at this, this is just one man giving his initial reaction. I think Osama has been dead for years. We're talking about an elderly man who needed constant dialysis, hiding in a cave for the last 10 years? Check out this page from Alex Jones' Infowars.com. Here, Jones provides a bevvy of international reports that state bin Laden had died early in 2002. A little too close to the start on the war on terror to hope the fervor of the American people would continue to allow for this imperialistic, unprovoked military action over seas to continue.

So go ahead, call me another conspiracy nut, but the fact of the matter is our government has lied to us one too many times for me to just gobble this up. Especially this close to the initial report coming out. And I'm not asking you to agree with me, I'm just pleading that you keep your mind open long enough to let the dust settle here before you commit yourself to any conclusions. In the words of Chris Rock from Kevin Smith's Dogma, "Having a belief is fine, I just think its better to have ideas. It's easy to change an idea, changing a belief is tricky."

But hey, at least now we can all conveniently forget about the whole Obama birth certificate madness for a little while.

Rabble Rabble Rabble Rabble!!!