Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Gonna be a Bright, Bright, Bright and Sun-Shiney Day!!!

How we doin', freaks? Miss me?

Sorry for the recent absence of posts. Thanks to Hurricane Irene, I have been out of power since pretty much right after my last post. The juice hasn't been turned back on yet, and according to the local power authorities we will be waiting until Friday at the earliest, if not some time next week.

But with that in mind, combined with the fact that I will be leaving for an actual planned absence tomorrow that will go through the weekend, I felt that I absolutely had to get something up here for you kids today. And what better topic to discuss during an extended power outage than alternative energy sources?

From CNN: Budget cuts trigger early end to solar energy credits

In case you ever thought of installing a solar energy system in your home, the time is now. Thanks to wide-spread budget cuts in the face of the current economic crisis, many of the incentives made available to citizens looking into alternative energy are going to end early. A 30% cash rebate from the Treasury will no longer be available at the end of this year, and the 30% tax-credit program from the federal government will be over by 2016. Many of the incentives put in place at the state level will also be coming to an end in short order.

As I have said many times on these pages, my understanding of economics could likely be trumped by a 5th grader (though I'm pretty sure I've still got Jeff Foxworthy beat). I understand that it is important to make necessary budget cuts. But why handicap something that is so essential to our societal evolution? As I can say from personal experience, our dated electric grid needs to go through a serious face lift, and removing our dependance on archaic power plants would be a great step in the right direction. If we really need to make some serious budget cuts, make them where they will make a difference: the military. We're constantly so up in arms about our need to defend ourselves from any and every possible source of attack. But has anyone ever considered that our need for concern over the possibility of attack wouldn't have to be such a prevailing issue if we weren't such assholes all the time?? Or, better yet, how about we stop handing out tax credits to the oil companies that we're all so hopelessly entrenched with. Maybe these industrial scum-fucks should start picking up their portion of the bill for the damage their doing to the planet rather than putting the hurt on the individual that is trying to make a difference.

Stop goose-stepping around the globe pretending to be the world police. If we stopped pushing our noses into everyone else's business all the time, maybe there wouldn't be so many pissed off militants itching to take us down a few pegs.

It all comes down to a simple choice between fear and love, as Bill Hicks so sagely said. Let's try and strive to make the world a better place for the world, rather than just a better place for American investment interests.

And with that said, thanks for tuning in kids. I'll be back next week. Try not to start the revolution without me.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Looks Like Rain...

Enjoy this storm. Hopefully the power will stay on so you poor folks don't have to suffer an absence of my wisdom.

Buckle up, Bitches. Looks like The Ride is gonna get a little bumpy.

I don't want to go home soon;

I just want to go home now.

If this doesn't tickle your spine, you don't have a pulse

Thursday, August 25, 2011

To the Top of the World

Don't really feel like getting into the whole current events thing today. But I've still gotta give you something to work those cranial muscles with, so check this out.

I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them on the sand,
Half sunk, a shatter'd visage lies, whose frown
And wrinkled lip and sneer of cold command
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamp'd on these lifeless things,
The hand that mock'd them and the heart that fed.
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains: round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

--Percy Bysshe Shelley

"Ooh, baby, please don't let it rain"

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Jesus loves me, This I know

For the Bible tells me soooo!

I've got a good one for you today, kids. Strap in.

From UTNE.com: Look God, No Hands: Dirty Girls Ministries is on a crusade against the evils of female masturbation.

Boy. I hardly know where to begin with this one.

Just in case you didn't read the whole five page article, let me toss you a quick abridged synopsis. Crystal Renaud of Lenexa, Kansas has started an online group called Dirty Girl Ministries, and no, this isn't a sister group of those luscious beauties over at Suicide Girls, but rather a gaggle of dirty and confused young women that want the purity back in their lives. Renaud, a 26 year old bridge troll who stands 7 feet tall with a wart on her nose the size of Cincinnati (OK, I'm taking a little artistic license here, the story doesn't provide a photo so I'm just guessing), has created a community where girls and young women can come together and galvanize in their fight to avoid impious acts such as viewing pornography, masturbation, and even reading romance novels.

Now, as a normal warm-blooded human being, you're probably thinking that anyone signing up with a masturbation addiction group is so savagely entrenched that their hands have permanently locked to the shape of gnarled talons from constantly digging at their pleasure pipes. But no! Dirty Girls defines their ideal candidate for membership as someone viewing pornography or masturbating as infrequently as two times a week or less! Likening the severity of their "addictions" to that of drug and alcohol dependency, Dirty Girls members are mostly in their 20s and 30s, with a rising number of teenage and preteen girls joining.

Beyond simply trying to curb the sinful activities of idle hands, Dirty Girls is really about an attempt to eliminate all sexual thought that goes outside the marital bedroom. Many members are also combating a confused sexual identity, using these Christian 12-step programs to not only stop masturbating, but also to stop feelings of homosexuality. Members of Dirty Girls also frequent programs like Where Grace Bounds, which specializes in dealing with “sexual brokenness and homosexuality.”

The more you read, the more you feel sorry for these poor confused girls who have been so subjected to the church's propaganda promoting abstinence and the sinful nature of sexuality. While self gratification is steadily gaining mainstream acceptance in the secular world, these girls are being pushed back into the dark ages. One comment provided in the article that was taken from the Dirty Girls message board reads, "Once I’ve actually committed the sin (of porn and masturbation), I find myself feeling such sadness, frustration, disappointment, anger, shame", while another commenter says, "It makes me feel sick and unworthy." Many of the young girls on the site describe feelings of impurity and undesirability due to their freakish masturbation habits, despite the fact that many of them are still virgins.

Let me get this straight. Nubile porn-watching virgins are feeling undesired because of their masturbation habits?? Sounds like the pinnacle of desire to me. But then again, according to these people I probably have been smitten by the angry judgment of the Lord years ago for my perverse nature.

Even more tragic are the stories of girls who rushed into marriage in the hopes that it would stop their impure urges. One girl married at the woeful age of 19 thinking that once she was able to slack her hunger in the piety of the marriage bed that she would be free of her impurities. Unfortunately the girl found that her unclean fantasies persisted, even during sex with her husband. “I cannot cleanse my mind of these images,” she says. “I try so hard to focus on my husband only, but my thoughts are so warped.”

Sounds pretty hot to me. Am I the only one picturing a Catholic school-girl outfit here?

Here's the deal people. We need to get over these preoccupations of guilt and self-loathing in regards to sex. It's really not that big of a deal. All of these efforts to sweep sexuality under the rug have done nothing but blow the entire issue out of proportion. When you tell someone not to do something, all they do is dwell on it to the point of distraction until all their being is consumed by a simple trivial matter. Treat sex as what it is: free entertainment. And markedly improved by narcotics. It's time to stop being ashamed of our natural urges and embrace our humanity. If God truly made us in his image, then enjoying the full majesty of his creation can't be a bad thing.

It's Just A Ride, kids. Free yourselves of these foolish shackles of religious oppression and just try and enjoy it for Christ's sake.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

The way to a man's heart

...really is through his stomach! Who knew??

From ScienceDaily: Gut Bacteria Linked to Behavior: That Anxiety May Be in Your Gut, Not in Your Head

So it looks like researchers have proven that the delicate balance of bacteria that resides in the stomach of each and every person on earth has a lot to do with how that person feels. Through experimenting on lab mice, scientists have shown that it is possible to control how active and adventurous, or passive and quiet, a mouse's behavior is by tampering with levels of orally administered antibiotics.

What this means for people? Apparently, a change in diet or vitamin regimen can have a more powerful and profound effect on treating behavioral disorders than tampering with mood enhancers or other drugs that effect brain chemistry. Through their experimentation on lab mice, researchers were able to show that not only could they change the behavior patterns on mice with simple antibiotic regimens, but that by discontinuing the administration of the drugs they were able to have the mice return to their regular patterns of behavior. This may one day lead to therapy options for emotional and psychological disorders that are far more safe, with fewer side-effects, than many drugs offered today.

So be careful what you throw down that pie-hole. You never know how it might be affecting your mood.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Take me to the Promised Land

Happy Monday Freaks and Freak-ettes!

For anyone who has ever spent a decent amount of time in the water wondering what it might be like to live in a community completely established in international waters, free of the chains of established government and society, your dreaming may be coming to an end.

From Inhabitat.com: Paypal Founder Peter Thiel Invests $1.25 Million to Create Floating Micro-Countries

Peter Thiel, founder of Paypal, is working closely with Seasteading Institute to create the worlds first floating sovereign nations. These floating countries will basically be giant movable oil rigs with full cities built upon them, with all the amenities of home. These diesel powered, 12,000 ton structures will be able to house over 250 residents, with plans for each separate city to be able to link together into a massive grid.

One incredible thing is the rate at which this project seems to be advancing. Thiel claims that the first city will be launched by the end of next year, an office park planned to be based off the coast of San Francisco, and plans to be fully inhabited by 2019. If that's not ambitious enough, Thiel and Seasteading are aiming to have over 10 million floating residents by 2050.

Thiel, a self-proclaimed Libertarian, has said that the goal for these floating independent nations is to be able to experiment with new types of government, without the restrictions already put in place by land based societies. Basically he's just removing the revolution step from the equation and embarking on settling the last true frontier left on the planet - the open ocean. Without having to contend with laws and regulations of already existent governments, Thiel and his aquatic citizens will be able to not only build a "test-run" government from the ground up, but there is no limit to the number of "trial-and-error" tests he can run. One island can be libertarian, while another across the ocean can give a theocratic ruling party a shot, and still another can give the reins of control to a corporation who has paid for the construction. One proposed island that will run off a familiar capitalist approach will be called Appletopia, a corporate run island where the real-estate value will increase with the fiscal success of the island.

Who knows? Maybe one of them will actually give democracy an honest shot. Lord knows this hijacked Congress paying lip-service to the people while their pockets are stuffed full with checks of nefarious origin isn't doing the ideal a proper service.

The truly interesting prospect to all of this in my mind is the possibility of a return to community values. We could give our evolutionary clock a chance to catch up with ourselves. We were designed to excel as a tribal people, existing in close-knit groups of around 500, not entire nations that spread from coast to coast and number in the hundreds of millions. It will be fascinating to see how morality might evolve if people were forced to give up with masks of anonymity in this technological age and go back to being in a small village-like community where everyone knows everyone again.

Either way, wonder how long it's going to take until "Island City Maintenance" is a path of study offered at engineering universities? Sign me up.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

It's Sunday

And on the seventh day the Lord rested...

Take a load off, kids. You've earned it.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

At the Buzzer!!

Yes, yes, I'm a little late, I know. But as they say, 'Better late than never!'

Here's a fun fact.

From The Raw Story: Court: Appeal to assassinate Obama is protected speech

America! Fuck Yeah!

A federal appeals court ruled last month in a vote of 2-1 that the wild and racist comments of one man on a Yahoo! finance website, saying "[Obama] will have a 50 cal in the head soon," and later, "shoot the nig", were not grounds for the charges of threatening he was facing. Probably not the most touching and heart-melting thing you've ever heard, but in the words of Voltaire, "I do not agree with what you have to say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it."

Ultimately, the ruling was decided based on the fact that the standing law does not prohibit "predictions or exhortations" to violence.
Exhortation: noun
1. the act or process of exhorting. (Helpful, I know...)

2. an utterance, discourse, or address conveying urgent advice or recommendations.
Yeah. I needed that one defined, too.

But anyway, there's your fun fact for the day. It isn't illegal to predict or recommend that someone plug a .50 caliber round into the president's head. Even if you get caught with the weaponry in your own home. Call me a liberal, but part of me is kind of surprised this case wasn't brought to national light during the Bush administration. I know a lot more people that man pushed to the point of frequent blind rage.

Either way, get your kicks in now kids. Like the article says, it's not illegal according to standing law. Something tells me this little hole is going to close up some time soon. And I doubt the news will make headlines when it happens.

Friday, August 19, 2011

If it ain't broke, don't fix it!

They say every cloud has a silver lining...

From NPR: Cracking The Marijuana Genome In Search Of Therapeutic Highs

A startup biotech company called Medicinal Genomics has just announced that they have completed the sequencing of the marijuana genome. Hooray Science! Right?

Well, that all depends on your position. Apparently the goal of Medicinal Genomics CEO Kevin McKernan now that his company has completed the genome sequencing of the plant is to begin breeding genetically altered plants without THC, the psychoactive chemical in marijuana that provides its delightful high. The plan now is to study the genomes of other similar plants that do not contain THC, like industrial hemp, to isolate the genes that produce the chemical and effectively breed them out of the plant.

McKernan, who has spent most of his career studying tumors in the human body, says there are 84 other chemicals in the Cannabis sativa plant that have therapeutic benefits. His goal is to produce marijuana plants with heightened levels of these various chemicals, and lower levels of the natural THC, in order to test these new plants for medicinal properties in treating ailments from cancer to multiple sclerosis.

Has no one in the field of science heard of the theory of Unintended Consequences? If we have learned nothing else from the great strides of science in the last century, it is that the deeper we step into the unknown, the more intense the ripples of effect those footsteps create. Think of the sheer number of things that have been discovered purely by accident. Penicillin, Coca-Cola, Teflon, the pace-maker, hell even LSD was just a big laboratory goof. And those are only some of the positive accidental discoveries! Except maybe Teflon, depending on whether you're talking to an environmentalist or a chef.

My point is, if we have this plant that produces all of these therapeutic chemicals in one place naturally, why do we feel the need to tinker and tamper with it? Why genetically alter the plant to remove the THC? And don't say it's because the THC doesn't have any medical value, it's the primary ingredient in Sativex, the prescription drug popular in Europe that inspired McKernan to start his research.

But there are two faces to every coin, and like I said at the opening of this post, every cloud has a silver lining. While McKernan may be trying to breed all the THC out of the plant, in acknowledgement of how difficult it is to legally study the plant in the United States, he has published his findings on Amazon's EC2, a public data cloud, for free. While all of this genetic mumbo jumbo is admittedly way over my simple head, there are some whip-smart pot heads out there who can work some serious magic with that kind of information at their fingertips. I know, I know, this goes completely against my "leave well enough alone" argument, but just imagine the possibilities! Maybe we can start breeding the THC into other plants! A tasty, juicy orange for breakfast in the morning, with just a tiny extra kick. Sounds divine.

Or we could just end up with some deformed freak of nature. Frankenstein style.

\m/ ROCK \m/

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Come to where the Flavor is

A good morning to you, dear psychonauts!

Check out this interesting story from North Carolina.

From CharlotteObserver.com: Thieves take $10,000 in cigarettes from 2 stores

Police in Charlotte and Mint Hill North Carolina are currently working to determine if a string of recent burglaries are connected. Just my amateur opinion on this, but I'm going to go ahead and hazard that these break-ins were likely pulled by the same guys. The thieves broke into two separate convenience stores in the middle of the night, and made off with over 10 grand in various tobacco products, as well as an extra 2,000 in cash.

Which begs the question, with prices on a steady rise for cigarettes across the country, how many more burglaries like this can we expect to see in the future?

The two stores that were robbed, which were about 10 miles apart from one another as the crow flies, both had their windows smashed in with rocks before men went in with garbage cans and made off with cartons of cigarettes and cigars by the arm load. Funny enough, the article makes the point of postulating that the thieves might be trying to sell the cigarettes in the state of New York, where a carton of smokes costs more than double what it does in North Carolina. Of course, if that's what the thieves were really up to, why not just steal them in New York and save money on transportation costs? Doesn't matter whether they were $45 or $100 per carton wherever you stole them from, you're still making the same profit margin selling it on the street.

Either way, now that we have it in print that convenience stores carry up to $10,000 in stock of cigarettes, the race is on. The only question is, should I drive to North Carolina where I already know people are getting away with it? Or do I trail-blaze my own path here in New York? I think I need to start my own crime syndicate, Al Capone style. The streets will run red with blood when the "Cancer Wars" break open.

And with that, I need a fucking cigarette...
Enjoy the Ride.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Mormons are EVERYWHERE!!!

Morning, freaks!

I don't really have an article to discuss today. I could go ahead and find one easily enough, but fuck that. I'd rather talk about something near and dear to my heart. And that is this sudden flood of sponsored videos on YouTube promoting the Mormon way of life.

Now, for those of you who aren't as addicted to YouTube as I am, or in case you've been living under a rock for the past decade, let me take a quick moment to explain how the site works. Basically you enter a phrase into a text field to perform a search of the YouTube servers, and you are given a list of videos that match what you're looking for. Then, usually after a quick advertisement, the video will play right there on your screen. What makes YouTube especially dangerous for internet addicts like myself is the bar on the right hand of the screen, giving a list of "related videos" that people who have also watched the video you just saw seem to enjoy. This inevitably leads to endless hours traversing the rabbit warren of "Suggestions" until your mouse finger is bloody with clicking and your eyes have permanently crossed.

It is this "Suggestions" bar that has put the proverbial salt in my coffee this morning. Usually I don't mind it at all, as most of the "Suggestions" are actually related to whatever I was just watching, and odds are I'll probably be pretty interested in it. But at the top of every suggestions list is the YouTube Sponsored Video, a link to something that more often than not has absolutely nothing to do with anything. Some organization has just dropped a few extra bucks to help ensure that their clip(s) are being broadcast more efficiently. And over the past couple of months, like a plague of biblical locusts, there has been a preponderance of videos uploaded from YouTube user Mormon, the "Official" YouTube Channel of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

And may God help you if any of you hapless fools should accidentally stumble upon one of these videos after mis-clicking on that next Bill Hicks clip. God damnit, the last thing in the fucking world I want to see when I'm on the hunt for Hicks ranting about the irony of Christians wearing crucifixes when a cross is likely the last thing Jesus would ever want to see upon his return is a video of a group of smug, pious, self-righteous douche bags telling you how to live your life. These videos are more damaging to the health and well-being of our youth than the tobacco advertisements that are no longer allowed on television. And no, I don't have any studies to back up that wild claim. It's just a gut feeling.

But it isn't just the fact that these videos are being marketed that has put me in a mood. Take this video for example:

All the normal warning signs of religious propaganda are there. Slow, emotional music. Mellow narrator with an aged and wise sounding voice. The pained looks on the actors' faces as they indulge in acts that take them farther from the Grace of the Lord. Etc, etc. But what is really unsettling about using YouTube as another cog in the propaganda machine is a characteristic which was previously absent from traditional mediums like magazines and television: the comments section. If you look at that video above on the actual YouTube site, you'll see the video has accrued right around a quarter of a million views, with 152 comments on the page. And of these 250,000 viewers, not a single comment has been to disagree with The Church of Latter-Day Saints. I mean fuck, this is the internet, people. Do you really think this video has been seen that many times without a single person trying to call them out on their bullshit? You can't post a video of a cute and cuddly kitten without some douche-bag chiming in with his two cents and calling everyone even watching the video a faggot. And yet mysteriously, there is no one voicing dissent to these vehicles of religious oppression.

Most of you are probably saying "Calm down, you're over-reacting, blah blah blah." To which I say, "Fuck that". To test my theory, I myself posted a comment on this video just yesterday. I tried to keep myself from being too profane, and basically said something to the tune of "Pornography can save marriages, you people are all just going after the wrong women." But alas, my comment was not met with approval after it was submitted to the scrutiny of whatever review board is responsible for maintaining these comments lists. You would think that if they were truly confident in the sanctity and validity of their productions, that the moderators of the Mormon Channel would welcome the opportunity to open the floor for a little educated debate. Obviously, this is not the case.

I mean, I can understand wanting to scan video comments to make sure that people aren't posting baseless profanity, but if someone brings up a valid dissenting argument, it still is stricken from the records. And you know what that is called, boys and girls? Fascism.

And in closing, the real reason all of these Mormon videos are pissing me off? It completely takes away my ability to slam the door in their face when they would go on their mission work. It's hard to angrily and emphatically close a browser window. And since they've taken away my ability to comment on this trash, I am left with no outlet for my fury other than to bore you endlessly with my diatribe here. And for that, I am sorry. But at least I feel better about myself after getting that off my chest.

Enjoy the day, folks.
Much Love

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Every Time You Masturbate...

...God kills a kitten!

Good evening, folks! Betcha thought I forgot about you today, huh? Well, no such luck, heathens! Here we go!

From AlterNet: Why Is Sean Hannity So Mad You're Having Sex? 5 Ways Conservatives Attack Sexual Freedom

So stop being so damn promiscuous.

And save a kitten.

Babysitter (60 seconds) from XXXchurch on Vimeo.

And for the love of God...will somebody PLEASE think of the children??

Monday, August 15, 2011

God Hates Country Music

Either that, or He really enjoys pointing out the ineptitude of stage hands in about as gruesome a fashion possible.

From The Huffington Post: Indiana State Fair Stage Collapses: At Least 4 Dead

Note: At the time of this posting, the number of reported dead has climbed to 5.

Anxiously awaiting a performance from the country act Sugarland, fans at the Indiana State Fair braved the elements to be in the crowd, hooting and hollering in anticipation. The loud sounds of revelry awoke the anger and ire of the Lord, who then responded in a fury of the power of the divine, sweeping the stage from its supports and sending the scaffolding crashing down upon those foolish enough to want to be in the front row, particularly those in the vaunted VIP section, who actually paid EXTRA money to gain admittance to this travesty.

Unfortunately it would appear that in his zeal to scourge the earth of these evolutionary mistakes, these bipedal troglodytes still waiting on the advent of thumbs, the good Lord was a little hasty in his dispensing of justice. The stage collapse occurred before Sugarland was able to take the stage, and we will be forced to suffer the banality of their "music", at least until the next Perfect Storm tears down on the Indiana State Fair Grounds. And thankfully, judging by comments from Indiana governor Mitch Daniels, we will have another opportunity to strike again. Claiming that the freak wind gust was nothing more than a fluke, Daniels is displaying optimism in the continued success of "the finest event of its kind in America".

So with the tally rolling in at 5 dead and dozens injured, we can only hope that by the time next summer rolls around, both Sugarland, and their fans in the "Sugar Pit", will forget this tragedy and set the pins up again. Here's hoping God picks up that 7-10 split.

Because no one needs to suffer through music like this. It's simply inhumane.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Taste the Bile

From CNN: 7 apps to make you feel like a better person

That's right! From the authors of the riveting blog/book Stuff Hipsters Hate comes a list of a variety of smart phone apps that can help you overcome the temptations of the Seven Deadly Sins!

Languish no more in a vile puddle of your own self-loathing as these cyber-cunts tell you how these soulless computer applications can CHANGE YOUR LIFE!

Now you too can be...
...more productive
...not drinking too much
...regular exercise at the gym
...three times a week

Saturday, August 13, 2011

It's Saturday. Relax!

Nothing big to report today, folks. It's Saturday. Take a load off.

Enjoy these last days of summer as you watch that north wind rise.

Enjoy the Ride.

Friday, August 12, 2011

How Very Shocking...

Two posts in one day?? Well, there's a first time for everything, unlike the topic of the story here.

From The Indianapolis Star: Email rendezvous entangles state Rep. Phillip Hinkle

Aha! That's right boys and girls, in a scandal that happens much more frequently than the wonder of receiving multiple posts from me in a single day, yet another man of the people at the political forefront, fighting the good fight against gay equality, has been caught soliciting sex from another man!

Allegedly, state Rep. Philip Hinkle, who voted earlier this year for a constitutional gay marriage ban, had responded to a CraigsList ad offering to pay a young man $80 to spend time with him in a hotel, with a nice fat tip "for a really good time." Hinkle, who is married with two kids, met the youth at the local JW Mariott hotel, and that's where it got spicy.

The 20 year old young man, Kameryn Gibson, says he tried to leave after Hinkle disclosed that he was a lawmaker, but was forced to stay.
The young man told The Star that they met, but that he tried to leave after the man told him he was a state lawmaker. He said the lawmaker at first told him he could not leave, grabbed him in the rear, exposed himself to the young man and then later gave him an iPad, BlackBerry cellphone and $100 cash to keep quiet.
Phew! This just keeps getting better and better!

Beyond the 64 year old's 11 year tenure in office and his shining voting record of oppression, Hinkle also lists among his activities being coordinator for community partnerships for Wayne Township Schools, and he also was a co-author of the bill that created the "In God We Trust" license plate.

You're really going to have to go to the article to read all the gory details on this one. It honestly reads like a rejected script for a day-time soap opera, it's that over the top.

So mark another notch in the already tattered and frayed Bible Belt. I will never stop finding it hilarious that these men who are so staunchly anti-gay rights in the light of day maintain such unscrupulous evening past times. And then we've got Democrats in the other corner texting pictures of their dicks to women across the country. Really just goes to show you how Washington is just a coterie of juveniles whipping their dicks out at anyone and anything that comes into their view.

"Just a bunch of guys that need dick, ya know? They just plain need it!"

Dare you to eat one, brah...

Just imagine coming across this on a late night Psychonautic adventure through the woods.

From Science Daily: Mushroom Lights Up the Night in Brazil

Alright, so the article's title may be a bit hyperbolic in describing the luminescent properties of Neonothopanus gardneri (or flor-de-coco - flower of the coconut - as the locals call it), but still. Glow-in-the-Dark mushrooms. How cool is that??

Apparently thought to have gone extinct shortly after its discovery in 1840, these nite-lite fungi are making a comeback. Also known as the ghost mushroom for its eerie glow, scientists are gathering the mushrooms in hopes of determining what makes the fungus emit its otherworldly light. Originally theorized to work off the same chemicals found in the common firefly, the mushrooms have now proven harder to deconstruct than first thought. Not only do the mushrooms lack in the chemicals fireflies use to emit their glow, a chemical mix of a luciferin compound and a luciferase (yeah, I have no idea what the hell that is either, it just makes me sound smart), but the mushrooms also glow 24 hours a day, compared to the relatively brief and sporadic glow of the firefly.

Unfortunately, the article from Science Daily doesn't dig deep and go that extra mile for the answer I know we're all dying to hear. What happens if you chow down on a few of these little buggers?

To the 5th Dimension! Ho!

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Hang the Bastard!

I know I quote Joe Rogan a lot. But this quote is just too perfect for this article.

"Life is just too much like a god damned Coen Brothers movie"

From TPM Muckraker: Tea Party Rep: Bank Should Have Known I Wouldn't Be Able To Repay $2.2 Million Loan

And people still think these assholes should run the country. Baffling.

Georgia Rep. Tom Graves is in the news this week after a high profile lawsuit in which he has counter-sued a bank after defaulting on a $2.2 million loan, saying the bank should have known he wouldn't have been able to pay the money back in the first place.

Aah, the power of high-salaried attorneys. Graves and his partner, state Senate Republican majority leader Chip Rogers, took out the loan for a project in which they purchased a dilapidated motel with the ambition of giving the property a spit shine. The property eventually went belly-up and was abandoned.

Of course, the case was settled out of court yesterday in what all parties are calling a "fair and equitable manner." Yes. Fair and equitable. That's exactly what I first think of.

How about all those poor bastards that got suckered into housing loans that banks full well knew they wouldn't be able to pay back? Or have we all forgotten the problems of the housing market a few years back? Don't remember hearing too many stories of those people counter-suing and getting off the hook for their mountains of debt.

The motel now stands gutted and abandoned, and will cost the taxpayers about $100,000 to tear the eyesore down.

It's Just a Ride, or at least I keep telling myself that. But I certainly can't deny that this Ride is getting weirder with every jolt and turn.

Hang him high!

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

"My blood, shed for you"

Well the Race Is On and here comes Pride in the back stretch.

From the Alabama Local 15: Pastor Tased, Woman Stabbed after Church Service

The story goes a little something like this. Apparently Simone Moore of Mobile County, Alabama is on the run from the police after an incident at the local Baptist Church this past Sunday that resulted in a preacher being tased, and Simone's own mother being stabbed.

In other words, in a group likely chock full of people that watch NASCAR biting their fingernails to the quick in anticipation of the next big fiery crash of metal, these people just hit the god damn Powerball.

Apparently Moore lost his motha-fuckin' mind after the self-styled R&B artist was handed his last check from the church and told that his services as Minister of Music would no longer be required. Moore then pulled out a taser and attacked Rev. Daryl Riley.

And there's only one way to describe what happened next...

...OK, maybe not that over the top, but you get the idea.

In the tussle that followed, Moore's own mother was stabbed by the deacon of the church with a pocket knife, and a total of six people were injured. The police are still searching for both Moore and the deacon, Harvey Hunt.

And in the midst of all this madness, the factoid that I keep coming back to is that someone, in their infinite wisdom, actually named a county in Alabama Mobile. How ironic is that? Considering I fully subscribe to the Joe Rogan theory that no one lives in those deep serious pockets in the south because it's fucking awesome. These people are mostly just the offspring of all the people that wanted to head out west and just decided it was too far, plopped down, and started breeding.

Remember kids, no one is in Paduka, Kentucky 'cause Paduka is the shit.

Enjoy the day, freaks.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Stop the Madness!

Fresh from the News Desk, here's the most atrocious thing I've read in recent months.

From MSNBC: Reclusive Amazon tribe missing after attack

In case you weren't paying attention to the comings and goings of reclusive jungle people back in 2010, there was a touching story about an uncontacted tribe in the Amazon jungle that had been aerially photographed for the first time. The images that were released showed touching scenes of tribal people gathered together pointing at the sky with spears in confusion, startled and confused by the flying beast in the sky.

Now, that same tribe of people has completely disappeared in the aftermath of what authorities are calling "one of the biggest blows we have ever seen in the protection of uncontacted Indians in recent decades". The official story places the blame on a drug cartel out of Peru, the border being a scant 32 miles away. After gunning down the guards at a Brazilian check point, it is believed that the tribe ran off in fear of the loud fully-automatic boomsticks, leaving the government bureau of Indian affairs panic struck as they try to local the natives.

Now, here's my theory.

Seems a little odd to me that a drug cartel, which has presumably been in the business a decent stretch of time just by the fact that they've earned the moniker "cartel", would suddenly decide to burst through the land of a protected tribe. I mean, these people have remained completely unmolested and separate from modern society FOR ALL OF HUMAN HISTORY.

Wouldn't it perhaps make more sense that these protected people were residing on some tract of land that the government might have had to get it's hands on for some reason? Granted, I'm basing this conclusion on absolutely nothing beyond my own sense of jaded skepticism, but perhaps these people were situated right on top of the path for a brand new 4-lane interstate that needs to go up. Kind of like the opening to Douglas Adams' Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. The papers have been available for you in the town hall for 6 months now. Why didn't you lodge a formal complaint?

But beyond he possibility of glaring government greed, the only true constant in our world, how about the motives of this supposed cartel? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought most cartels primarily organized themselves on a foundation of secrecy and clandestine activities. After all, they are smugglers. And I can't script a better way to garner headlines and negative attention from the bleeding heart Americans. Via various channels of political influence and persuasion, I'd be willing to bet that tighter patrols become enforced on the border, and increased guards for the tribes themselves. At the very least this would mean more palms to grease with heavy-handshakes to bribe your way across the border. Certainly doesn't sound like a sound business practice to me.

No matter your feelings on the various cartels that have a stranglehold on South America, you can't deny that these are some clever sons of bitches. Between the posts I've shared discussing the various narcotic submarines and tanks that are now being used to shuttle drugs around the world, and the totalitarian grip they hold on most of Mexico, they've certainly proved themselves to be resourceful, if nothing else.

But who knows? I could be wrong, certainly wouldn't be the first time. Just use your logic first people. If there's a tickling in your spine telling you something isn't quite on the level, odds are you're probably right.

"All governments are liars and murderers"

Thanks Bill.

Monday, August 8, 2011

People Bitch Too Much

When is this era of oppression known as Political Correctness going to finally stop plaguing society?

From Chortle.com: BBC blasted for even mentioning offensive comedy

Comedian Doug Stanhope and British radio personality Richard Bacon are under fire this week after Stanhope made an appearance on Bacon's radio show Radio 5 on the BBC.

The interview, which was decidedly tame considering some of Stanhope's material, is getting flack from The Down's Syndrome Association for just mentioning a particular clip of Stanhope's on the air. They didn't even play the damn thing!

Stanhope himself laid out his version of the event on his website, DougStanhope.com:
I was on BBC Radio 5 Live with Richard Bacon a few days ago here in London. There is no BBC radio that I know of that resembles any kind of American terrestrial morning radio much less Howard Stern, etc. It all pretty much feels like an even more uptight, humorless version of NPR and I have resigned myself to play along and give boring, toothless interviews without jokes.

Richard Bacon seemed to appreciate that I wasn't throwing his career into disarray by forcing parts of my act in where it didn't belong. The problem with doing a straight interview on a station that appeals to the mainstream is that some of the listeners might actually come to your show having no idea what is in store and will be sadly disappointed or butt-hurt. Mr Bacon did his best to warn his people in a very English, passive-aggressive way by using 1000 big words to say I was very offensive.

As an aside, he said that if anyone didn't believe that I'm really that bad, they should find my Sarah Palin bit on YouTube. And then the polite, gentlemanly interview ended.

And that's where the trouble begins.

Now admittedly, the bit (which I've linked below for your convenience) may just be the most offensive thing I've ever heard. In my entire life. And I haven't laughed that hard in a long, long time.

But that hasn't stopped the Down's Syndrome Association from mass assaulting the BBC for "(publicizing) the work of a comedian which is nothing more than a vile offensive rant and conflicts with BBC guidelines which state a responsibility to 'protect the vulnerable and avoid unjustifiable offence[sic]'"

Now, I'm going to save you from suffering a long-winded diatribe on the nature of free speech. You've heard it all before. What I will say is that upon reading all of this, the first thing that came to my mind was a scene from the movie Stripes starring Bill Murray and Harold Ramis. After one of the recruits in boot camp goes on a long introductory rant about how he doesn't like people touching him and scattering cold eyed death threats in the breeze, Sgt. Hulka gives a disparaging shake of his head and simply says "Lighten up, Francis."

And now, without further ado, here is the brazen Stanhope bit that is causing such a stir.

It's Just a Ride, folks. Lighten up.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Burn it All to the Ground

From The Daily Mail: North London in Flames after Mark Duggan Shooting

Don't really need to say too much more about that, now do I?

Burn it down.
Burn it all to the ground.

Burn it down.
Burn it all to the ground.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Scaring the Children

Morning, freaks and freak-ettes!

Today, I bring your attention to a lovely little article that spells out the methods the ruling elite have used to ensure the stability of their fascist regime by taking the salt out of the youth.

From Alternet: 8 Reasons Young Americans Don't Fight Back: How the US Crushed Youth Resistance

While I highly recommend you take the time to read the lengthy article (I know, I'm asking a lot with a whopping four pages), I have cut and pasted the bullets of the list here for you.
1. Student-Loan Debt.
2. Psychopathologizing and Medicating Noncompliance.
3. Schools That Educate for Compliance and Not for Democracy.
4. “No Child Left Behind” and “Race to the Top.”
5. Shaming Young People Who Take Education—But Not Their Schooling—Seriously.
6. The Normalization of Surveillance.
7. Television.
8. Fundamentalist Religion and Fundamentalist Consumerism.
Understandably so, half the list deals directly with the education system in this country, from saddling students with unmanageable mountains of debt, to the prevailing theme in public education of instructing children in passive acquiescence of authority rather than the pursuit of wisdom. Other line items of the list will come as no surprise to many, such as Television and the increasing trend of American youths being prescribed heavy mood altering pharmaceutical drugs.

However, the one item on this list that gives me an honest hope for shattering the trend in the near future is "The Normalization of Surveillance." As we step deeper into the 21st Century we are being forced as a nation to stare at the glaring hypocrisy of subjecting ourselves to deeper and more invasive forms of surveillance in public forums. From the knowledge that your vehicle is being recorded at nearly every major intersection by a bevvy of cameras, to the recently approved Protecting Children from Internet Pornographers Act, which has less to do with protecting children as it does with providing the government with a way to throw out the old "Innocent Until Proven Guilty" maxim and keep tabs on all your internet traffic regardless of what you're doing on your computer, Americans have quickly and depressingly come to terms with the fact that Big Brother really is watching you. And despite all this, the police are getting away in the courts with passing new laws and regulations preventing the public from filming them on the job because they "have not provided consent to being filmed." No matter how dumbed-down the education system gets, you can not deny our youths the simple logical revelation that that just does not make a whit of sense. People just aren't that stupid.

I hope.

Here is The Great White Stanhope's closing to his special Deadbeat Hero, giving his thoughts on liberty and freedom in our nation today. The clip is broken into two pieces, and I have linked both of them here for your convenience.

Enjoy the weekend. And if there are any kids out there reading this on their summer break, well first off, there's a content warning on this page and you've already said you were 18 or older, so I don't want your parents coming after me for filling your little malleable heads with all this subversive rhetoric. But beyond that, come September when you trudge back into that splintered desk in that dilapidated classroom, don't just sit there and let the establishment bash you into submission with all the techniques mentioned above. Wake up. Participate. Take your lives back.

And in closing, I leave you with this quote from Ernest Hemingway's The Gambler, The Nun, and The Radio
-'Why are not all the opiums of the people good? What do you want to do with the people?'
-'They should be rescued from ignorance.'
-'Don't talk nonsense. Education is an opium of the people. You ought to know that. You've had a little'
-'You do not believe in education?'
-'No. In knowledge, yes.'

Friday, August 5, 2011


Don't have much to say today, but I didn't want to leave you without a post, either.

So here you go.

Sleep tight, boys and girls. Don't let the bedbugs bite.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Behold a Pale Horse

From CBSNews: Armageddon alert after Texas lake turns blood-red

How's that for an attention grabbing headline??

So here's the skinny, folks. Apparently a lake in San Angelo State Park in West Texas, once a popular fishing destination, is now blood red and full of dead fish.

State Officials are saying that the discoloration is a result of Texas' unusually severe drought this year, explaining that as the lake dried up and water levels dropped, the lake suffered a rise in Chromatiaceae bacteria, which thrives in low-oxygen environments. The high level of bacteria is responsible for the lake's bloody appearance, and in combination with the drastically low water levels, to blame for the thousands of fish that have died.

Religious leaders have already jumped on the story, claiming these to be the days foretold in the book of Revelations. And who knows, maybe they're right. Who's to say that when Paul was granted the vision of seeing the waters run red with blood, that was simply the only way for a man of his time and culture to explain a phenomenon as simple as a strange bacteria, something easily understood in our frame of reference today. Maybe it's time I look up the number for some of those bomb shelter companies I brought up a little while back...

...and Hell followed with him

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Damn you, Rocko!!

Filthy wallabies.

From The Huffington Post: Crop Circles Created By Wallabies 'Stoned' On Opium, Australian Officials Say

Filthy wallabies, indeed.

This article explains how the critters of the outback, namely the cute and cuddly wallaby, are ingesting the crops of local legal opium fields, getting "high as a kite" (this is put in quotes in the article, too, apparently a direct quote from Australian officials), and stumbling around the fields creating crop circles. Responsible for 50% of the legal opium production world wide, Australian poppy fields produce the primary ingredient in pharmaceutical drugs like morphine. Not to be confused with all the illegal poppy fields which are used to produce the world's supply of heroin and opium, over 90% of which are guarded and maintained by American troops in Afghanistan. Luckily there are no wallabies in Afghanistan, or they'd likely be riddled with machine-gun fire for tampering with the harvest.

Of course, this conclusion does little to explain many instances of crop circles world-wide where wallabies are not native to the area. The article also fails to provide any pictures of the critters' work. I for one would be quite interested to see how precise a stoned wallabies' crop circle would be. Reminds me of the experiment in which scientists fed various substances to spiders to observe how the intoxicants would effect the spider's prowess at building webs.

Either way, sounds like the wallabies know how to live it up in The Outback.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

This Must Be The Place

You mean to tell me there's a place in this country where an entire neighborhood has agreed to not bombard you with their theology by plastering it all over their front lawns?

Where do I sign up?

From First Coast News: Homeowners Association Rules 'Jesus' Sign Violates Rules

As the story goes, Sarah Phillips, a resident of the Sutton Lakes community for four years, received a notification in the mail demanding she take down the sign in her front yard reading "Jesus". The Homeowner's Association for the neighborhood has given her three days to take down the sign, and has promised a fine of $100 per day for every day after that she refuses to comply.

Now, the problem is not that the sign carries religious weight, but rather that it's a sign at all. Apparently, according to the contract Phillips signed, all residents agreed that the only signs allowed to be posted on their property are For Sale or For Rent signs. So political campaigns and religious signs are out. But the statuettes of the Virgin Mary and other Christian symbols that one of her neighbors have in her yard are perfectly OK.

While Phillips admits to signing the agreement, she claims that she "did not give away [her] freedom of speech, religion, [her] rights as an American citizen." Guess what, honey. You signed a contract. And you certainly did not give up your First Amendment rights. You have every freedom that enables you to pack up your shit and move, if that little sign is really that important to you.

Alas, I feel I hear the growing sound of war drums over the horizon. I'm sure these Christian's aren't going to let this one go without a fight. Luckily, even the ACLU has said that while they can't comment on this specific case, odds are this woman doesn't have a leg to stand on in court. So while Phillips plans to leave her sign on her property and suffer the wrath, hopefully her fines can go towards something useful. Perhaps a neighborhood pool for the children, or a playground.

Either way, sounds like a nice neighborhood to me. An entire community that agrees not to cover their property with religious and political propaganda...brings a tear to my eye.

Wouldn't it just make more sense for Phillips to take the cue from her neighbor, remove the tacky Jesus sign, and replace it with some Jesus themed lawn gnomes? Hell, I bet you could put up a lawn decoration that's bigger than the tiny sign that's causing all this turmoil and just paint "Jesus" on the front of the little bugger. It's amazing how all logical and critical thinking skills just flies out the window the minute religion gets involved.

Monday, August 1, 2011

"I'd Rather Be Old and in the Way...

...Than this year's New Kids runnin' for my life"

A happiest of birthdays to Jerome John Garcia, or Jerry as he's more commonly known.

An Elegy for Jerry (by Robert Hunter)

Jerry, my friend,
you've done it again,
even in your silence
the familiar pressure
comes to bear, demanding
I pull words from the air
with only this morning
and part of the afternoon
to compose an ode worthy
of one so particular
about every turn of phrase,
demanding it hit home
in a thousand ways
before making it his own,
and this I can't do alone.
Now that the singer is gone,
where shall I go for the song?

Without your melody and tase
to lend an attitude of grace
a lyric is an orphan thing,
a hive with neither honey's taste
nor power to truly sting.

What choice have I but to dare and
call your muse who thought to rest
out of the thin blue air
that out of the field of shared time,
a line or two might chance to shine --

As ever when we called,
in hope if not in words,
the muse descends.

How should she desert us now?
Scars of battle on her brow,
bedraggled feathers on her wings,
and yet she sings, she sings!

May she bear thee to thy rest,
the ancient bower of flowers
beyond the solitude of days,
the tyranny of hours--
the wreath of shining laurel lie
upon your shaggy head
bestowing power to play the lyre
to legions of the dead

If some part of that music
is heard in deepest dream,
or on some breeze of Summer
a snatch of golden theme,
we'll know you live inside us
with love that never parts
our good old Jack O'Diamonds
become the King of Hearts.

I feel your silent laughter
at sentiments so bold
that dare to step across the line
to tell what must be told,
so I'll just say I love you,
which I never said before
and let it go at that old friend
the rest you may ignore.