You know, I don't have too much respect for politicians. Same goes for CEOs with political aspirations. So when I tell you that in the past 24 hours I have lost more respect for Herman Cain than any other political persona, it's saying something.
To be honest, I didn't know much about Cain. In fact, I still don't know too much about him. But thanks to the magic of the interwebs, I have stumbled upon three shining little gems that completely undo any modicum of reverence I might have once had for the former CEO of Godfather's Pizza.
Exhibit A: Herman Cain is a corporate douche-bag.
Proof: Who the fuck could so perversely rewrite John Lennon's Imagine to have the song be about pizza?
Exhibit B: Herman Cain likes to appear cultured by quoting poets that are actually songwriters for the Pokemon film series.
Proof: Watch Cain quoting Donna Summers in this clip from a GOP debate. Notice how he even fails to mention the name of the "poet" he is quoting, as if somehow not realizing that his potential supporters all have the power of Google at their fingertips.
Exhibit C: Herman Cain's 9-9-9 plan, much like his choice in literary quotes, is stolen from a child's video game.
Proof: From HuffingtonPost.com: SimCity Games Will Cost $9.99 In Honor Of Herman Cain's 999 Plan
That's right kids. Cain's vaunted 9-9-9 plan is taken straight from the realm of Sim City. Now, while Cain is adamantly denying that he has taken his tax plan from the microcosmic world of pixelated society, but that isn't stopping game producer Electronic Arts from offering a special discount on their popular title - now available for $9.99.
Again, Cain has publicly denounced any claims that he is taking political cues from a video game, but honestly - if you had been caught stealing ideas from a game, would you want to admit it? First, you disgrace one of the most touching songs about the freedom of the human spirit by making it a tool to sell pizza. Then you follow it up by bringing Pokemon - arguably one of the most nonsensical children's franchises in history - into the political arena under the guise of legitimate literature. And you follow it up by stealing the one piece of your campaign that has really been giving you momentum from a god damn video game, and don't even have the good grace to admit to your plagiarism.
Fuck You, Herman Cain.
Fuck You, and Goodnight.