Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Chicken Nuggets

UPDATE: I have been informed that I am once again completely full of shit. Please see the comments section for pertinent information. I'll leave the post up for posterity.

There's only one type of nugget that I am aware of that stand as part of a nutritious meal. Any they're not made of ground up chicken parts.

From Preschooler's homemade lunch replaced with nuggets

Apparently all jazzed up on the win of officially declaring pizza sauce to be a vegetable contributing to a balanced meal, whatever Godless government association that's responsible for making these calls is swinging for the fences.

As the story goes, a young preschooler was stopped from eating her homemade bagged lunch when a state worker had deemed that her meal did not meet federal regulations for a complete and balanced meal. The agent was doing his patriotic duty of inspecting the lunch boxes of all the preschooler's when he declared that the child's lunch, which was comprised of a turkey and cheese sandwich, a banana, apple juice, and a bag of chips, did not meet the guidelines set down by the US Department of Agriculture. The article goes on to discuss how any child that is found with a bagged lunch deemed to be lacking in nutrition, the child will be provided for from the school cafeteria, and the parents will be charged for the cost of the school lunch.

Which is exactly what happened. The child was provided with a cafeteria lunch tray, on which was piled a heaping helping of healthy...chicken nuggets. Of which the child ate only three pieces, and then returned to finish out her day at class.

OK. Now, I suppose I can understand the requirement for children to have nutrious meals provided for them. Where I start getting confused is how this requires having an agent from the state inspecting lunch boxes. Beyond that, if they so clearly have a problem with kid's not getting enough good food, how is it that the child was able to eat only three of her chicken nuggets without this same agent making sure she finished the entire meal? After all, the nutritional value of an item is pretty much a moot point if you don't eat the damn thing.

But even better, what guidelines are they going by that declared this child's lunch lacking? OK, I guess I can understand the potato chips if you're going to get crazy about the whole thing, but in what world is replacing a turkey sandwich with a pile of processed chicken goo a step in the right direction?

See kids, this is what happens when you let the feds into the cafeteria. Nothing is an acceptable food item unless it comes prepackaged in a non-labeled GMO package straight from the Monsanto trucks. Don't worry though, I'm sure it's just a matter of time before all food available for sale meets these unpublished guidelines, and we can save a little money on the men in black investigating your children's paper bags.

After all - we know what is best for you and yours.

Three Monkeys Say: You're in High School again. No Recess.


  1. Dude. I would think you'd know better than to trust at face value.

    Shit's bogus:

    1. Fascinating. I actually almost didn't cover it because it was on Fox, but then I found the same story corroborated on other sources like MSNBC, so I figured I would just run with it. Thanks for the update.