Wow...I really wish I had saved The Kinks - Father Christmas video to use today. Would have fit more snugly than a fresh pair of Isotoners.
From The Atlanic Wire: Americans Shoplifted $1.8 Billion Worth of Stuff This Christmas
According to data released by the Global Retail Theft Barometer (who names these organizations??), American's stole almost 2 billion dollars worth of merchandise from stores and malls around the country this holiday season. That number is up about 6% from this time last year.
Now, the article doesn't seem to make much of an effort to extrapolate more information from the data supplied. Essentially they just slap you with "Exhibit A: We're stealing a ton of shit", "Exhibit B: We're stealing a ton more shit than last year", and "Exhibit C: It's probably because everyone is broke and the economy has gone to shit."
Ahh, with compelling journalism like this, there's no wonder I can't find a job in the field without a degree. Honestly, this has to be one of the most interesting stories of the year, touting a 10-figure theft level across the country to help facilitate the illusion of every American having a Merry Christmas, and we get 8 pithy lines strung together in a single lack-luster paragraph? Seriously, where's the beef? Where's the meat of this story? What stores received the highest rates of theft from their aisles? What toys were taken the most? Where's the information??
Oh well, the story is written and there's really no use crying about how insufficient it is. Unless, of course, some employee of the Atlantic Wire happens to see this post. In which case, I desperately need work - please fire this touch hole and contact me.
Three Monkeys Say: I know what I'm talking about, because I went to Junior College for a semester, and I studied Psychology, so I'm right in there!! I KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON!!
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Sunday, December 25, 2011
You'll Shoot Your Eye Out, Kid!!
Here's hoping you all got that shiny new Red Rider BB Gun for Christmas this year. You deserve it.
Three Monkeys Say: Presents like this are how furries are born!!
Three Monkeys Say: Presents like this are how furries are born!!
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Don't Mess Around
It's Christmas Eve. You know, that holiday that isn't really a holiday.
So a Very Merry Un-Birthday to you, Jesus!
I know a good amount of us are pretty broke this holiday season. But I'd be willing to bet there's still someone out there a little worse off than you. I'm not saying go out and buy 'em something. That goes against the idea of the season, if you ask me. But take a moment out of your busy schedule and just stop and think a little bit. Peace on Earth, Good Will Towards Men, and all that razzamatazz.
Three Monkeys Say: Give all the toys to the little rich boys!!
So a Very Merry Un-Birthday to you, Jesus!
I know a good amount of us are pretty broke this holiday season. But I'd be willing to bet there's still someone out there a little worse off than you. I'm not saying go out and buy 'em something. That goes against the idea of the season, if you ask me. But take a moment out of your busy schedule and just stop and think a little bit. Peace on Earth, Good Will Towards Men, and all that razzamatazz.
Three Monkeys Say: Give all the toys to the little rich boys!!
Friday, December 23, 2011
Is It The Shoes!?!
Monster Jam!!
Boom-shakalaka!!!
...ahem. Sorry about that. Any time I hear a quote from an NBA Jam announcer, I feel compelled to go for the set.
Anyway! From RawStory.com: Police pepper spray, shut down malls over Air Jordan shoes
Ahh. I love the smell of commerce in the morning.
Apparently still razzed on the high that can only come from bludgeoning the proletariat mercilessly with truncheons, bored riot police have massed together as the Occupy Wall Street movement kicks in its death throes and have moved against the malls. After all, once you've run out of the skulls of poor people to cave-in, you're going to have to start using your clubs and chemical agents on people who actually have money.
The cause for all the madness is the undeniable "hotness" of those super-fly new Air Jordan's, a bargain buy at only $180 a pair. Shoppers have become so unruly in their fervent pursuit of obtaining the pinnacle in foot-fashion that police have been called into malls near Austin and Seattle, responding with pepper spray and extreme prejudice. According to the article, there is even an unconfirmed report out of Washington D.C. of a man who was stabbed to death over the shoes. At a mall in Georgia, 20 squad cars were dispatched when shoppers broke down the doors to a store in their angst to obtain the kicks, and arrested a woman for leaving two toddlers locked in her car while she stepped into the six-sided ring of fire to do battle in the name of Saint Nick.
Of course, while I will more or less always be of the opinion that any time the police start firing pepper-spray into a crowd it is likely an example of authority abusing power, I have little sympathy for this mob. It's a shopping mall. Keep your elbows to yourself and just calm the fuck down, for Christ's sake.
I am just thankful that there is something deeply seeded in my constitution that will prevent me from ever understanding a story like this. The very thought of paying $180 for a pair of shoes, or better yet the $400+ price tag some are reporting having paid over the internet, chills my cockles more than the harshest Nor'easter. But honestly, come on people. This is supposed to be the season about spreading cheer, good will, and peace on earth, isn't it?
Three Monkeys Say: Guaranteed to make a kid run faster and jump higher.
Boom-shakalaka!!!
...ahem. Sorry about that. Any time I hear a quote from an NBA Jam announcer, I feel compelled to go for the set.
Anyway! From RawStory.com: Police pepper spray, shut down malls over Air Jordan shoes
Ahh. I love the smell of commerce in the morning.
Apparently still razzed on the high that can only come from bludgeoning the proletariat mercilessly with truncheons, bored riot police have massed together as the Occupy Wall Street movement kicks in its death throes and have moved against the malls. After all, once you've run out of the skulls of poor people to cave-in, you're going to have to start using your clubs and chemical agents on people who actually have money.
The cause for all the madness is the undeniable "hotness" of those super-fly new Air Jordan's, a bargain buy at only $180 a pair. Shoppers have become so unruly in their fervent pursuit of obtaining the pinnacle in foot-fashion that police have been called into malls near Austin and Seattle, responding with pepper spray and extreme prejudice. According to the article, there is even an unconfirmed report out of Washington D.C. of a man who was stabbed to death over the shoes. At a mall in Georgia, 20 squad cars were dispatched when shoppers broke down the doors to a store in their angst to obtain the kicks, and arrested a woman for leaving two toddlers locked in her car while she stepped into the six-sided ring of fire to do battle in the name of Saint Nick.
Of course, while I will more or less always be of the opinion that any time the police start firing pepper-spray into a crowd it is likely an example of authority abusing power, I have little sympathy for this mob. It's a shopping mall. Keep your elbows to yourself and just calm the fuck down, for Christ's sake.
I am just thankful that there is something deeply seeded in my constitution that will prevent me from ever understanding a story like this. The very thought of paying $180 for a pair of shoes, or better yet the $400+ price tag some are reporting having paid over the internet, chills my cockles more than the harshest Nor'easter. But honestly, come on people. This is supposed to be the season about spreading cheer, good will, and peace on earth, isn't it?
Three Monkeys Say: Guaranteed to make a kid run faster and jump higher.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Jesus Ranch
Salvation in Siberia? Fascinating.
From VICE.com: The Mysteries of the Teacher
In the newest edition of the VICE Guide to Travel, Rocco Castoro receives the gift of being invited to the wilderness of Siberia for a rare interview with a man who has been calling himself the Voice of God since the fall of the Soviet Union. Sergey Anatolyevitch Torop, who renamed himself Vissarion at the age of 29 when he realized his divine connection, has been working on his multi-volume Last Testament, a sort of sequel to the New Testament, recording the missive of his hodge-podge of nearly every world religion.
Of course, the natural reaction to hear a story about someone claiming to hear or be the voice of God is to sit back and wait for the tell-tale sound of the ATF knocking down some doors. But I will have to admit, I found some of the footage from VICE's short 3-part documentary to be strangely appealing. Vissarion has placed his commune in a rather idyllic fold of the unspoiled expanse of the Russian landscape, and the narrator even remarks on how the village evokes connotations of an elven dwelling. The place looks right out of Middle-Earth, until you see the solar panels delivering clean energy. Or the satellite TVs and power tools, apparent anachronisms that are openly accepted. Vissarion and his church of nearly five thousand followers live off the earth and what it provides, and seem to simply exude pure joy.
I'll let you watch and pull your own conclusions from the piece. I just want to note that while some of the things the followers of Vissarion say during the interviews, combined with that fervent fire of zealotry so apparent in their eyes, is definitely off-putting. But at the same time, you can not deny how happy these people look. You don't have to bite the whole bit, hook line and sinker, but I would guess there's something to what this guy has to say.
Three Monkeys Say: I fell in love with a baked potato!!
From VICE.com: The Mysteries of the Teacher
In the newest edition of the VICE Guide to Travel, Rocco Castoro receives the gift of being invited to the wilderness of Siberia for a rare interview with a man who has been calling himself the Voice of God since the fall of the Soviet Union. Sergey Anatolyevitch Torop, who renamed himself Vissarion at the age of 29 when he realized his divine connection, has been working on his multi-volume Last Testament, a sort of sequel to the New Testament, recording the missive of his hodge-podge of nearly every world religion.
Of course, the natural reaction to hear a story about someone claiming to hear or be the voice of God is to sit back and wait for the tell-tale sound of the ATF knocking down some doors. But I will have to admit, I found some of the footage from VICE's short 3-part documentary to be strangely appealing. Vissarion has placed his commune in a rather idyllic fold of the unspoiled expanse of the Russian landscape, and the narrator even remarks on how the village evokes connotations of an elven dwelling. The place looks right out of Middle-Earth, until you see the solar panels delivering clean energy. Or the satellite TVs and power tools, apparent anachronisms that are openly accepted. Vissarion and his church of nearly five thousand followers live off the earth and what it provides, and seem to simply exude pure joy.
I'll let you watch and pull your own conclusions from the piece. I just want to note that while some of the things the followers of Vissarion say during the interviews, combined with that fervent fire of zealotry so apparent in their eyes, is definitely off-putting. But at the same time, you can not deny how happy these people look. You don't have to bite the whole bit, hook line and sinker, but I would guess there's something to what this guy has to say.
Three Monkeys Say: I fell in love with a baked potato!!
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
All the News that Fits, We'll Print
Afternoon, friends! A holiday infused "Bah, Humbug!" to you all! God Bless Us, Everyone!
OK, so I'm getting a little frayed on the whole holiday season. But I'll tell you one thing that never gets old for me - taking shots at Fox News and their cross-eyed support base! Yay!
From NYDailyNews.com: Fox News viewers less informed than those who don’t watch news at all: study
Well, hot damn! Wipe the egg off your face and try to explain THAT one, fascists!
According to the study from Fairleigh Dickinson University, Fox News viewers are apt to know less about current events in the US and abroad than people who do not watch the news at all. Fox Fans were found to be largely ignorant of the year's events in Syria and Egypt, the basic ideas surrounding Occupy Wall Street, and were even unable to identify Mitt Romney as the front runner for the Republican nomination, which is pretty alarming considering the amount of time the channel spends on Republican topics.
An analyst for the poll, Prof. Dan Cassino, has said that these results do not necessarily categorize Fox News' primarily Republican base as being less educated, but rather takes the point that there is something about Fox's programming that leads to their viewers retaining less information.
The article goes on to discuss that admittedly, Fox viewers were not the only ones to score poorly on the poll. From the figures given, it would seem their nemesis MSNBC isn't doing too much better. Apparently, the members of the study who scored the best on the poll were those who got their news from Sunday morning programs or print sources like the New York Times and USA Today.
But in true dramatic fashion, the people over at NYDailyTimes.com have saved the juiciest piece of this study for last. I honestly can not WAIT to see Bill O'Reilly try to spin his way out of this one. Apparently, one of the top news sources with regards to their audience being informed and retaining information is none other than The Daily Show with Jon Stewart! HA! Fuck you, Bill-O!
Ahh, Fox News. "The Most Powerful Name In News". The clip is from 2004, but it's still more fun than a barrel full of fundamentalist blow-hards.
Three Monkeys Say: Sorry, you'll have to excuse us while we go laugh this off
OK, so I'm getting a little frayed on the whole holiday season. But I'll tell you one thing that never gets old for me - taking shots at Fox News and their cross-eyed support base! Yay!
From NYDailyNews.com: Fox News viewers less informed than those who don’t watch news at all: study
Well, hot damn! Wipe the egg off your face and try to explain THAT one, fascists!
According to the study from Fairleigh Dickinson University, Fox News viewers are apt to know less about current events in the US and abroad than people who do not watch the news at all. Fox Fans were found to be largely ignorant of the year's events in Syria and Egypt, the basic ideas surrounding Occupy Wall Street, and were even unable to identify Mitt Romney as the front runner for the Republican nomination, which is pretty alarming considering the amount of time the channel spends on Republican topics.
An analyst for the poll, Prof. Dan Cassino, has said that these results do not necessarily categorize Fox News' primarily Republican base as being less educated, but rather takes the point that there is something about Fox's programming that leads to their viewers retaining less information.
The article goes on to discuss that admittedly, Fox viewers were not the only ones to score poorly on the poll. From the figures given, it would seem their nemesis MSNBC isn't doing too much better. Apparently, the members of the study who scored the best on the poll were those who got their news from Sunday morning programs or print sources like the New York Times and USA Today.
But in true dramatic fashion, the people over at NYDailyTimes.com have saved the juiciest piece of this study for last. I honestly can not WAIT to see Bill O'Reilly try to spin his way out of this one. Apparently, one of the top news sources with regards to their audience being informed and retaining information is none other than The Daily Show with Jon Stewart! HA! Fuck you, Bill-O!
Ahh, Fox News. "The Most Powerful Name In News". The clip is from 2004, but it's still more fun than a barrel full of fundamentalist blow-hards.
Three Monkeys Say: Sorry, you'll have to excuse us while we go laugh this off
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Civil Disobediance
It's as American as Apple Pie! Aww Yeah!!
From The New York Times: Nearly a Third of Americans are Arrested by Age 23, Study Says
The study, the first of its kind conducted since the 1960s, surveyed a national sample of young people over time, and found that approximately 30% of them had reported being arrested for something other than a traffic violation by the time they hit the age of 23. As a quick aside, I'm right there with ya kids. America. Fuck Yeah.
As the NYT article reports, this figure is much larger than the result found in the 1965 study, which reported an arrest rate of 22% among the same age group. The more recent study was conducted by performing annual interviews on a sample group of 7,335 youths, all between the age of 12-16 when they joined the study in 1996. Researchers found that there was a sharp spike in arrests as kids neared adulthood, 18-20, and then quickly leveled off in the early 20s. The study goes on to provide commentary on different factors that could effect the adolescent's likelihood of being able to move past this mark of criminality, or conversely become entrenched in the mire of the criminal justice system.
Seems to me a little silly that a private study needed to be conducted to obtain this information. While I understand that the identity of minors is protected in regards to arrest records, that doesn't mean that a report couldn't be issued directly from law enforcement with the pertinent information represented while at the same time ensuring that personal information is redacted. And why the hell is this the first study of its kind to be performed in nearly 50 years? Considering what an on-going joke it has been in my youth to sit back and listen to one's elders bitch and moan about how the youth of today have been becoming progressively more delinquent, I would imagine there would be some fundamentalist with some extra pocket money who would be interested in obtaining these figures on a more regular basis.
Unfortunately, the NYT article does not go into any sort of detail regarding what sort of infractions these youths had committed that resulted in their arrest, beyond noting that each crime was above the level of a traffic violation (which, short of a DUI, I'm pretty sure they don't arrest you for anyway). No mention of what percentage of these youths were apprehended on charges of violent behavior, theft, or common drug possession. I'd be willing to place a sizable bet however that the overwhelming majority of these reported arrests were for non-violent drug offenders. I sure know that was the case in my town - and whether you'd like to admit it or not, I bet it's the same for your small home town, too.
Three Monkeys Say: Let's get those numbers up, kids! We believe in you!!
From The New York Times: Nearly a Third of Americans are Arrested by Age 23, Study Says
The study, the first of its kind conducted since the 1960s, surveyed a national sample of young people over time, and found that approximately 30% of them had reported being arrested for something other than a traffic violation by the time they hit the age of 23. As a quick aside, I'm right there with ya kids. America. Fuck Yeah.
As the NYT article reports, this figure is much larger than the result found in the 1965 study, which reported an arrest rate of 22% among the same age group. The more recent study was conducted by performing annual interviews on a sample group of 7,335 youths, all between the age of 12-16 when they joined the study in 1996. Researchers found that there was a sharp spike in arrests as kids neared adulthood, 18-20, and then quickly leveled off in the early 20s. The study goes on to provide commentary on different factors that could effect the adolescent's likelihood of being able to move past this mark of criminality, or conversely become entrenched in the mire of the criminal justice system.
Seems to me a little silly that a private study needed to be conducted to obtain this information. While I understand that the identity of minors is protected in regards to arrest records, that doesn't mean that a report couldn't be issued directly from law enforcement with the pertinent information represented while at the same time ensuring that personal information is redacted. And why the hell is this the first study of its kind to be performed in nearly 50 years? Considering what an on-going joke it has been in my youth to sit back and listen to one's elders bitch and moan about how the youth of today have been becoming progressively more delinquent, I would imagine there would be some fundamentalist with some extra pocket money who would be interested in obtaining these figures on a more regular basis.
Unfortunately, the NYT article does not go into any sort of detail regarding what sort of infractions these youths had committed that resulted in their arrest, beyond noting that each crime was above the level of a traffic violation (which, short of a DUI, I'm pretty sure they don't arrest you for anyway). No mention of what percentage of these youths were apprehended on charges of violent behavior, theft, or common drug possession. I'd be willing to place a sizable bet however that the overwhelming majority of these reported arrests were for non-violent drug offenders. I sure know that was the case in my town - and whether you'd like to admit it or not, I bet it's the same for your small home town, too.
Three Monkeys Say: Let's get those numbers up, kids! We believe in you!!
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