Tuesday, December 27, 2011

The Holiday Spirit

Wow...I really wish I had saved The Kinks - Father Christmas video to use today. Would have fit more snugly than a fresh pair of Isotoners.

From The Atlanic Wire: Americans Shoplifted $1.8 Billion Worth of Stuff This Christmas

According to data released by the Global Retail Theft Barometer (who names these organizations??), American's stole almost 2 billion dollars worth of merchandise from stores and malls around the country this holiday season. That number is up about 6% from this time last year.

Now, the article doesn't seem to make much of an effort to extrapolate more information from the data supplied. Essentially they just slap you with "Exhibit A: We're stealing a ton of shit", "Exhibit B: We're stealing a ton more shit than last year", and "Exhibit C: It's probably because everyone is broke and the economy has gone to shit."

Ahh, with compelling journalism like this, there's no wonder I can't find a job in the field without a degree. Honestly, this has to be one of the most interesting stories of the year, touting a 10-figure theft level across the country to help facilitate the illusion of every American having a Merry Christmas, and we get 8 pithy lines strung together in a single lack-luster paragraph? Seriously, where's the beef? Where's the meat of this story? What stores received the highest rates of theft from their aisles? What toys were taken the most? Where's the information??

Oh well, the story is written and there's really no use crying about how insufficient it is. Unless, of course, some employee of the Atlantic Wire happens to see this post. In which case, I desperately need work - please fire this touch hole and contact me.

Three Monkeys Say: I know what I'm talking about, because I went to Junior College for a semester, and I studied Psychology, so I'm right in there!! I KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON!!

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