Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Arm the DeathRay!!

First, allow me to open with an apology. I ducked out of town last week in pursuit of warmer climates and beach-ready women, and I'm still picking up the pieces. In the words of Hunter Thompson, "The hallucinations have finally stopped, thank God," yet still it has taken several days of recuperation to feel prepared enough to organize some thoughts here. I'm sure these last few days have been torture without my sunny discourse.

And on that note, on to the meat of this thing!

Arm the DeathRay!!!

That's right boys and girls, the US Navy has officially announced the successful testing of a sea vessel mounted HEL (High Energy Laser), which they were able to use to destroy another craft on the water. The future is at hand! We're just a few short months from realizing Dr. Evil's dream of having sharks with freaking laser beams attached to their heads!!

According to the report from the Naval Research Offices, this test marks the first time that an energy beam weapon has ever been fired from a ship, using a power supply from that ship, and used to destroy a target on the high seas. Now, in all seriousness, this report scares the fuck out of me. As we all know, to say that the US military is tight-fisted when doling out information is a gross understatement. Excuse me if I remain skeptical that this is in any way new technology.

Every piece of technology that gets sifted down to the public, from computers to cell phones, has always started as a military project that then gets "Trickled Down" to the open population once the technology becomes obsolete. Very similar in fact to the idea of "Trickle Down" economics which we seem to love so much in this country. And we all know how well that works out. 99% of wealth controlled by a top 1% of the population, or in this case, 99% of the technology controlled by a mass of war mongering fundamentalist Christians. I don't know about you, but I certainly get a warm fuzzy feeling at the thought of it.

So quake and tremble at the might that is the American Military Machine. And then open your eyes and realize that you don't have a single fucking clue what these animals are really capable of. If they're telling you that they have the ability to blow up a ship at sea with a concentrated beam of pure energy, then the undertones implying their actual capabilities are staggering.

Just remember. It is of paramount importance that we don't let those red bastards see the big board!

Let's just hope these hopped up crank-heads keep civility to the point of preventing fighting in the war room.

1 comment:

  1. Well if what your saying is true, maybe there IS a technologically-advanced Aquarium in some hidden location that has Sharks with freaking Lazer Beams on their heads.

    Maybe Stingrays with Plasma Pistols attached to their tails as well?

    One can only hope.