Thursday, July 7, 2011

I wanna get down on my knees and start pleasing Jesus!

Alright boys and girls. Do I have a treat for you.

Thanks to the wonders of social media, I stumbled upon what has to be the most jaw-dropping websites I have ever seen. OnKneesForJesus.

Not going to lie, it took me a minute to figure out that the goal of the website, and their related YouTube Channel OnKneesForJesus3, was satire. But unlike the side-splittingly funny, which provides an Onion-esque flavor of over-the-top hyperbolic fiction, the videos shown at OnKneesForJesus are frighteningly serious. At least by those that made them.

I haven't the time, nor inclination, to sit and sift through all 225 uploads available on the OnKneesForJesus YouTube Channel, so I'm just going to share with you the video that first lead me to this comedic gold-mine.

Here we have a 10 minute clip from the program It's Supernatural where Bill Weise and his wife discuss Bill's "Vision from God", where he claims to have been shown the physical space of Hell so that he could return and warn the unfaithful masses that the parlor of Beelzebub is as real as the day is long.

I know what you're saying. Yeah, we've heard it all before, this is boring. Well, if Bill's shocking account of the Lake of Fire isn't enough to keep you riveted to your seat, do me a favor and fast forward to the 5:40 mark in this video. That's when It's Supernatural! really jumps the shark in my mind.

As the program moves in to a quick commercial break, you are presented with a 65 second infomercial providing you with all the details on why you should purchase Bill's entire three book, one DVD "Course" entitled What Ever Happened to Hell?, for the low, low price of $30 (Shipping and Handling included!). Oh, I'm sorry, did I say price? I meant Donation. Silly me. The really frightening piece to me is if you look at the Order Number you're supposed to provide when you call up and order your copy. 9086. All I'm going to say, is God help us if there really are over 9,000 similar courses that are spreading this kind of crap around.

Another interesting point of the interview is Bill's seemingly random interruption at around the 5:00 mark. As you follow his recitation of the horrors and nightmares of Hell, Bill relates that he saw a bright light, and was saved from torment and confronted with the image of Jesus Christ himself. And then just randomly interjects, "You know, I was really successful. My real-estate company was pulling in over half a million dollars a year for 30 years!" What the FUCK does that have to do with anything?? And even better, if you're pulling in that kind of green annually, why the $30 price tag if you really and truly believe that the masses need to be saved? Any why the semantics of calling it a donation instead of just being honest?

I may be Born-Again, but I wasn't Born-Again yesterday!

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