Saturday, June 25, 2011

New Yorkers are FABULOUSSSSSS!!!


That's right boys and girls, the vote to approve gay marriage in the great, progressive state of New York has passed. And limp-wristed celebrants are cavorting in the streets. Truly a happy day to be a New Yorker.

OK, who picked up the sarcasm there? Good job. Gold star for you.

Now, for bonus points, who can guess the cause for my sarcasm? Did you guess it's because I'm against gay marriage? Wrong. Give me that star back, dunce.

I just feel it's a little sad that we're celebrating this heartily for a vote which in my mind should have been a no-brainer. In this nation which which was founded on personal freedoms and the right to the democratic process, which established early the separation of church and state, it truly is a tragic notion that same-sex marriages were not given the go-ahead in what is globally considered to be one of the most progressive states in the country until 2011.

For those of you against gay marriages, do me a favor. Just leave the fucking country. Get out, and stop throwing your inbred, drive-in movie sized foreheads into the gears of progress. You're fucking up the party.

That's right, I'm switching the tables on you redneck fucks. I'm sick and tired of these bible-thumping troglodytes being the only people that get to go around screaming "This is America! And if you don't like America then you can just get out!" Fuck you assholes.

In my opinion, anything and everything should be legal as long as you're not causing harm to, or infringing upon the liberties of another person. The fact of the matter is, no matter what your religious convictions may be, no one is doing you a whit of harm by throwing some dick in the back whole and getting some same sex lovin'. In fact, same sex marriages and those engaged in same sex relationships by and large are more considerate of the long term prosperity of this country than these hill people that are clamoring against their union. At least they're not poisoning the population with droves of buck-toothed spawn, decimating our supply of resources and further complicating and entrenching our drain upon the planet. In the words of Doug Stanhope, "sodomy is eco-friendly". And what is more American than ensuring that there is in fact an America for our children to inherit some day?

It's times like this where a part of me honestly wishes for a Huxley-esque dystopia in which we can regulate these savage animals that feel the inherent need to get up and protest every time something comes across the state house floor that has absolutely no bearing on their lives whatsoever. Heavy doses of soma for all of you. Pipe the fuck down.

And in closing, here's an interesting little fact for those of you planning to walk on Albany Monday morning to start the protest frenzy under the guise of protecting the moral integrity of this great nation, to preserve the ideals of our founding fathers who made this the land of freedom and opportunity that it is. Ready?

In 1973 Maryland became the first state in this country to ban same-sex marriages. That's right! Until that point there was no law or statute on the books defining marriage as a union between a man and a woman in any state in the country. Granted, same sex marriages were far from encouraged, but it just wasn't something that came up enough and raised enough ire that it needed to be legislated. Isn't that a nice image of America? A place that has so much freedom that your liberty doesn't need to be marked and tallied in a giant tome of oppression and contrition?

Wake the fuck up people. We don't need laws telling us that we can do these things. Liberty is not having a list of things you're allowed to do. Liberty is having the freedom to just do them. We just need to stop being cunts and getting all up in other people's business, trying to tell them how to run their lives behind closed doors.

"We can change it any time we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings of money. A choice, right now, between fear and love."
--Bill Hicks

Who the fuck wants to get married, anyway? Jesus, if I ever ended up locked into wedlock with this maniac, I'd probably want the to be free to check out the other side, too.

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