Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Sweet Tap-Dancing Christ

That's it. I've had it. This means war you filthy pig fuckers.

Catholic Church releases report blaming Hippies for Child Abuse Scandals

You have got to be fucking kidding me. According to the LA Times, a collection of American bishops requested that John Jay College conduct a study into the cause of the spike in child molestation by priests during the 60s and 70s. And their conclusion? Blame it on the counter culture. It's all the hippies' fault.

Personally, the only thing I needed to read in this article to get me sputtering and cursing was this single line: " suggests that only a minority of the abusers should be considered pedophiles, because most priests molested children older than 10 — even though most social scientists consider 13 to be a more accurate cutoff..."

Seriously?!?! What the fuck kind of monster do you have to be to even put that in writing??? I'm reminded of Dave Chappelle's stand-up bit, "How Old is Fifteen, Really?" (if you haven't heard it you can find it on YouTube, side splitting stuff), where Chappelle makes the assertion that 15 is a lot older and more mature than a lot of people are willing to admit or adapt to socially. And while I agree with Dave that 15 is a lot closer to 18 these days, the fact that an accredited school of Criminal Justice is trying to make the argument that diddling an 11 year old shouldn't really be considered pedophilia just has my bile duct working over time.

The report also shines a light on the relative decline of incidents of abuse in recent years in comparison to decades past. To explain this decrease, the report points to "activism by victims' advocates and tougher responses to abuse by bishops". Really?? Tougher responses by bishops?? By that, do you mean just shuffling the pedophiles around the game of musical pulpits so less people catch on? As long as we're being really ridiculous about these findings, I've got a hypothesis for you. You wanna know why I think cases of abuse might be going down? I think it's because of the hippies. That's right, the enlightened people that were smart enough to get their families away from this barbaric institution of medieval kid fuckers have simply left less families in the church to choose their prey from. Less church members, less incidents of pedophilia. You can't just go around using the rosary as a set of anal beads all willy-nilly, and there are simply less children to corner in the confessional these days.

So thank you, flower children, for doing your part to combat this deplorable criminal behavior. I salute you!

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